Jaded Love
by AmberDoodle87
Summary: Sequel to I Can Feel You. Jade's Story. Jade Larson has sworn off love, or so she thought. What happens when she learns first hand that Edward Cullen is not one to be shaken loose, and a ghost from the past comes back to haunt her. OC/Edward
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Hello All! And Welcome to the Sequil of I Can Feel You, Jaded Love. If you couldn't tell from the Title, this is Jade's story! I hope that everyone will enjoy this as much, if not more than Ana's story! I am so glad that I finally got this one up, the majority of it was written on my recent road trip from North Carolina back home to the beautiful Pacific Northwest :D I missed everyone on here so much, and hope that you all love this first chapter. I will let you get on with it, love you :D As Always Read/Enjoy/Review!**

**P.S Of course, I am not Stephanie Meyer, therefore Edward and all of the other Twilight cohorts arent mine...sad pand :( But Jade, Ana, & Elijah are mine :D**

* * *

**Chapter 1: Blast From The Past**

_**" I don't know why we all hang on to something we know we're better off letting go. It's like we're scared to lose what we really don't even have. Some of us say we'd rather have something than nothing at all, but the truth is….to have something half way is harder than having nothing at all." -Anonymous**_

_November 27, 2009_

_A lot has changed in my life. I knew that things would change, I'm not naïve, but that doesn't mean that I'm keen on the changes that have taken place in the last fourteen months. That sounds harsh, let me rephrase that, I'm not happy about the changes that have happened with me. I am over the moon for Ana. My best friend, who is now a happy wife and mother, though I wasn't sure there for a minute. I honestly didn't think Jasper was ever going to come around. Luckily he proved me wrong. Actually, it's lucky for him that he proved me wrong. I didn't really want to do this whole journal thing, but I promised Ana that I would do it if she had to do it. it's been almost a year since the accident, the accident that almost killed Ana, Alice, and me. I have discovered that I changed more than I thought that I would have, more than I had wanted too. My source of discomfort begins and ends with Edward. I love him, and yet I don't want to. I don't want to give him the ability to have the hold over me that Ana has given to Jasper. I fight against it every single day, and every single day I find myself slipping further and further into the abyss known as love. I thought that I had covered my doubts and apprehension well, but then again, I should have known better, this is Edward after all._

I scribble the last few lines in my journal, and close it as I hear footsteps approaching the bedroom door. I know who it is, even before he peaks his head around the door frame to see if I'm awake. I place a sweet smile on my lips and turn to smile at the man who forcefully stole my heart.

" Good morning Edward," I say, shoving my journal into my bag along with my books and notes for today's classes.

" Morning," Edward says, pressing a kiss to my forehead, and I cant help but to tense up no matter how much I try and control the action, its involuntary.

" Jade," he says, looking at me with eyes that I know see far more than what any one person has the right to see.

" I have to go, I'm meeting Ana for breakfast," I say, picking up my bag, slinging it quickly over my shoulder. I walk from the house as quickly as I can without drawing attention to myself, and let out a sigh of relief when I am safely locked away in my car. I stare into nothing for a minute, getting lost in my own head as the rain starts to pour down all around me, and I sigh as I pull away, knowing that Edward is watching me, he always is.

* * *

" Jade," someone calls my name in the crowded café and I push through the throngs of hungry co-ed's, smiling when Ana waves excitedly to me. At once I feel completely at ease, happy to be around her, around the safety and comfort that she exudes. I'll admit that lately it's been hard, not having Ana around as much, but I don't hold it against her. She has her family now, and a beautiful family they make, Ana, Jasper, and baby Lilliana, who is holding strong and healthy since she made her debut eleven weeks early. At nearly seven months old, she is still on the small side, but healthy nonetheless.

" Where's Lily?" I ask, hugging my best friend close, before sitting down across from her.

" Jasper's parents took her for the day, apparently they claim they don't get to spoil their granddaughter enough," Ana says, smiling at the mere mention of her little girl.

" Yeah right, our little princess, is everything, but under spoiled," I say, sipping from my cup of coffee, falling easily into the conversation with Ana. All thoughts of discontentment and unadulterated fear about what is going on with Edward fading away.

" Well, I'm not going to complain, it gives me the chance to run by the studio before class, and make it to study group after class," she says, smiling and waving over my shoulder suddenly. I peer over my shoulder and see Alice and Rosalie walking towards us, and usually I would feel a little annoyed that people were interrupting my few hours alone with my best friend, but instead I feel rather happy to see two more of my best friends walking towards us. " I hope you don't mind that I invited them to join us, it just seems like I don't get to see all of my girls enough these days." I smile with understanding at Ana. Shaking my head to show that I don't mind the additions one bit.

" Hey guys," I say, scooting over so Rosalie can sit next to me, while Alice all but bounces into the seat next to Ana. I smile as conversations about Lily start up almost as soon as they are planted in their seats, and its only in this moment that I realize just how different all of us are. There's Ana, my best friend, my rock. Beautiful, although she doesn't ever see it, amazingly funny. Simply amazing. I turn my head, looking over at Alice, whose hazel eyes are lit with some sense of mischievousness that never really goes away. Behind the humor, and quick wit, there is a depth and strength that is breath taking. And finally, there's Rosalie, whose innate beauty is enough to make any man fall to his knees, weeping with gratitude to whatever higher power that is in charge. Yet she is so much more than a beautiful face, she is the core of what keeps our haphazard, more than often dysfunctional family together.

" Hello, earth to Jade," Alice says, snapping her fingers in front of my face, pulling me from my thoughts on just how wonderful they all are.

" What? Sorry, kind of spaced for a second," I say, smiling sheepishly at them.

" We could tell. We were asking you if you had plans this weekend? We have decided that it has been just far too long since we had a girls weekend. You know, girly movies, ice cream, gossip, what do you think?" she asks, and I frown slightly, wishing I could say yes, but I have lab work to catch up on if I want to keep getting a paycheck.

" I would love to partake in all of the girliness, you guys, and I wish that I could, but the lab," I say, stopping mid sentence when my friends groan loudly at me. " Fine, I will just work overtime tonight, then it's a girls weekend." We all cheer together, catching the awaiting waitress off guard, and the look of shock has us all laughing uncontrollably.

* * *

An hour and a half later I find myself alone again as I walk towards my first class of the day, cursing the rain as it falls relentlessly. I smile slightly at the stranger holding the door to the biology building open for me. Most of the time I'm aware of my surroundings, tripping over thin air and running into people is Ana's thing. That is, when my thoughts don't inadvertently wander off, and onto Edward. I jump when I collide with something, no more like someone. Okay, so maybe my first reaction would be to cuss out the stupid son of a, well anyways, but in this instance, I will admit it's my fault.

'Stupid Edward,' I murmur, thinking that it had been silent, but when the stranger who has bent down to help me pick up my things, clears his throat politely I roll my eyes, realizing that my silent grumblings about Edward, weren't so silent after all. I look up, perfectly prepared to apologize, and that's when I not only recognize the face staring at me, but a hot fist of disgust forms in my stomach.

" You have got to be fucking kidding me," I say, growling as I snatch my notebook out of the outstretched hand.

" Well, well, well," the voice says, and I can swear that my skin literally wants to crawl off of my body. " Always did have quiet the mouth on you."

" What in the name of all that is sacred are you doing here?" I demand, wishing with everything in me that I could take the notebook in my hand in and smack him, just once, upside his head. Then again that could be considered assault with a deadly weapon, so I take the easy, though less gratifying approach and instead of waiting for a reply I storm off in the direction of my lab, cursing this horrible, no good, very bad day.

I sit roughly in my chair, taking a page out of Ana's book, as I begin banging my head incessantly on the desk.

" Why, is, this, happening, to, me?" I groan, the sound of my head knocking against the wood of the desk echoing off of the plain walls of the lecture room.

" Excuse me, is this seat taken?" there it is again, that voice, the one that makes me want to curl up in the fetal position, and wish that I had never, ever seen the light of day.

" Yes, it is. Now go away. What are you doing in an advanced bio class anyways, you never were the brightest crayon in the box," I growl, wishing that I could just, kick him or something.

" Is that anyway to welcome a new student, J," he asks, and I swear my stomach pitches forward at the murmuring of what he used to call me.

" When the new student is a king douche bag, then yes it is, Nicholas," I say, finally admitting to myself, that this wasn't some sort of horrifying nightmare in witch I couldn't wake up from. No, instead, its my ex-boyfriend, in all of his, ingloriousness.

" There's that quick wit of yours," Nick says, shaking a finger at me as a sickening smile crosses his face, lighting up the eyes that I had once that I could look into for forever. Luckily for him the professor walks in before I can say anything else to him, and to my utter horror he takes the empty seat next to me, instead of scampering off like the rat that he is, to a different seat. I growl loudly, causing him to snicker, and its in this moment that I truly wish that physical violence was not frowned upon in society. I sink down into my seat, cursing the fact that a ghost from my past could ruin my day, no, ruin my life.

* * *

Apparently I was having one of those days that Murphy's Law is famous for. As if my questions about the validity of my feelings for Edward, and wishing that they weren't real, wasn't bad enough. My ex-boyfriend who I haven't seen in three long and heavenly years, suddenly shows up in MY state, in MY bio lab, and what's worse, since I have to just be a little know-it-all, the professor assigned me to catch Nick up on what he's missed so far this semester. I'd have better luck explaining algebraic expressions to a two year old, then explaining any form of biology to him. I glance at the clock, happy to see that it's almost time for me to go home for the night. I finish putting in my final number's for the night, when a voice comes from behind me, causing me to turn ready to swing. I laugh half heartedly when I see that it's my boss, Jasper and Rosalie's father, Matthew.

" Sorry Mr. Hale," I say, unclenching my fist, sliding my hands behind my back.

" No need for apologies, my wife always tells me that I need to stop around like an elephant, she says I'm too sneaky," Matthew says, and I laugh fully at that. Only because I can hear Veronica saying that very thing to him in my head.

" That might be a good idea if you don't want to find yourself with a fat lip. Most women's reaction to someone catching them off guard is to scream, me I have a tendency to swing," I say, straightening up my work area.

" Good to know. Listen I wanted to talk to you," he says, his voice suddenly serious, all signs of our easy conversation gone from his voice.

' Oh great, let me guess, I'm going to get fired now too aren't I?' I think to myself, sadly, I wouldn't be surprised seeing as how I'm just having one of those days.

" Okay," I say, fully prepared to get the axe.

" You know the holidays are coming up quickly, and Carlisle and Esme can't get the kind of time off of work to come celebrate down here, so they asked me if I could talk to you, see if you guys would be up to going up to Forks again this year," he says, his voice hopeful but understanding.

" Oh, wow, Matthew, I don't know. I know that Alice and myself are okay enough for it, but I don't know about Ana, especially know that there is Lily to think about," I say, and he nods his head, understanding fully. Since the accident, we have only ever tried to venture back to Forks once, just shortly after Lily was released from the hospital, we made it a good part of the way, and then Ana had a panic attack, refusing to go any further.

" Do you think, perhaps you could talk to Ana?" he asks, and I groan inwardly, but with his innate parental way he knew what I was feeling. " I wouldn't ask, it's just, tradition, and if it doesn't happen, this will be the first time since the kids were all very young that they didn't spend Christmas and New Years together in Forks."

" I will try my best, but I'm not going to force Ana to do it, if she doesn't feel safe, just her going, she really wont feel safe taking Lily. But I will talk to her," I say, walking towards the door of the lab.

" Thank you Jade, I'll give Lily a kiss for you," he says, and I smile, suddenly feeling uplifted remembering that tonight kicks off the all girls weekend, and I walk from the building a bounce in my step, looking forward to some good old girl time.

* * *

The scene I find when I get home, is beyond comical. Rosalie and Alice stand shoulder to shoulder trying to pull Emmett out of a chair, a look of amusement playing in his eyes. I giggle slightly from the door way, getting Alice and Rosalie's attention, huge smiles playing on their faces.

" Ooo, reinforcement," Alice says, scooting over say that I can come and help in the attempt to move Emmett.

" You guys really think that Jade is going to be able to get me out of this chair? Puh-lease," Emmett says, a small lisp forming on the last word, as he rolls his eyes. I cant help but laugh, Emmett always seems to make me laugh.

" You underestimate the power that females possess," Rosalie says, and to that, Emmett's answer is a huge rolling laughter. It isn't long before Ana and Jasper arrive, having their own debate.

" I just don't get it Ana, this is our first real weekend without Lily, why cant we just spend it, alone, at our place?" Jasper asks, dropping Ana's pink duffel bag unceremoniously on the living room floor.

" Because I need some girl time," Ana says, smiling at him brightly.

" That makes no sense, you are a girl, how much more girl time do you need?" he asks, and in response Ana nudges him sharply with her elbow, before turning to look at where Rosalie, Alice, and I stand, still fighting the good fight to get Emmett to move out of the chair, and out of the house.

" What's this? Is Emmy not moving? That's too bad, and to think I was going to give you something super spectacular for being a good sport about giving us girls the house for the weekend," Ana, says, walking towards him, holding up a brown paper bag. I see the change in Emmett immediately, the gleam in his eyes, and smile knowing that if anyone was going to win this battle for us it was going to be Ana.

" Would that be a bag full of Ana-banana's super spectacular chocolate chip cookies?" he asks, leaning forward to look at the paper bag that Ana is holding open in front of him.

" Maybe, but in order to find out, you need to get up and leave with Jasper, right now," Ana says, and before the sentence is even finished Emmett shoots out of the chair, snatching the paper bag and Jasper by the collar of his shirt in one swoop, shouting good byes as they walk out of the front door. We stand dumbfounded for a moment, by just how fast Emmett can move when he really wants too, which is mostly when food is involved. Laughter ripples through the air easily, as we all collapse to the floor.

* * *

A few hours later I find myself surrounded by my best friends, laughing as we eat our own special sundaes.

" Seriously you guys, we have to do this more often," Ana says, spooning a bite from my sundae, sighing as she eats it.

" I know. It seems like things are so crazy lately, between you and Jasper busy with the baby, Em and Rose busy, well busy getting busy," Alice says, snorting with laughter, dunking her head quickly from the cherry that flies from Rosalie, laughing the whole time. " Seriously, we are just all so busy, we need to make more time for each other."

" Speaking about getting busy, what's going on with you and Elijah, Alice?" Ana asks, and the flush that creeps along Alice's cheeks tells all of us that something is definitely going on.

" Ooo this is going to be good, spill it," I say, leaning forward, laughing as Alice buries her face in her pillow.

" There is nothing going on, just a little friendly flirting," Alice says, her voice strained with embarrassment.

" Yeah, that's why I've seen you coming out of his apartment in the early morning hours for almost a week now," Ana says, laughing when Alice throws a pillow forcefully at her from across the room.

" Oh, its so on now," Ana says, jumping up from her seat, battering anyone in her way with the pillow in her hand, her laughter lifting the spirit of the room to an all new level.

* * *

I glance at the clock for the millionth time, sighing as I roll over, poking Ana lightly.

" You awake?" I ask, and I listen as she rolls over to look at me.

" Yeah. Cant stop thinking about Lily, what are you doing awake?" Ana asks, propping herself up on one elbow.

" Cant sleep. There's something I wanted to talk to you about," I say, and Ana being her all knowing self sits up, pulling her knees to her chest, looking at me closely. " What's going on Jade?" she asks, worry filling her voice. I sit up slowly, crossing my legs, leaning back against the couch.

" You know, I have been having a really hard time dealing with things, where Edward is concerned, well things got a whole lot more complicated yesterday," I whisper, not wanting to wake anyone else.

" How so? What did you cheat on him or something? Please tell me you didn't Jade," she says, her voice carrying a slight undertone of humor.

" Dear God no. Nick is in town," I say, and I watch as her eyes widen, her usual shining green eyes glinting with fury.

" Nick, Nick. As in ex-boyfriend, or should I say ex-fiancé Nick?" she asks, and I nod, burying my head in my hands. " What in the hell is he doing here?"

" Going to school. He's in my bio lab," I say, peeking at her through my fingers.

" Oh shit," she says, and I just nod along with her. What more could be said, the one guy, other than Edward, who I had ever let in, the one guy who destroyed me, has just waltzed back into my life, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.


	2. Chapter 2: The Least I Can Do

**Author's Note: Hello all. I know that it has been forever since I updated this story haha. And I'm sorry for that, hopefully I still have some readers out there. Things have just been super crazy and to top it off I had one hell of a case of writers block. You can all thank my bestie Laycie-Lou for being an amazing muse for helping me pick up this story. Seriously, she is amazing, and if she were here I'd give her a cookie, or maybe a pixie stick :D Anyways, legal mumbo jumbo, I do not own Twilight or its characters, though I have on good authority that Jasper wishes he belonged to me lol, I do however own Jade, Ana, Elijah, Nick, and Lilly :D But I'm nice and I will share them with you all. So please, read, enjoy, and review :D Love, Amber**

**Chapter 2: The Least I Can Do**

" **The same tricks, that once fooled me, they wont get you anywhere, I'm not the same kid from your memory, well now I can fend for myself."-Ignorance Paramore. **

* * *

_Sometime's I have to ask myself how it is that I find myself in the predicaments that I find myself in. Is there some sort of unseen force working somewhere in the universe who gets their kicks from trying to see just how messed up they can make my life? I feel like I am constantly having to juggle everything in my life, there is never a moment of peace, never a drama free moment. Would you listen to me, ranting to my journal like it has any of the answers I need. Anyways, time for me to just put down the pen and step away from the journal. Listen to me, I think I'm going insane. _

I trudge down the stairs and smile when I hear Ana, Alice, and Rosalie singing in the kitchen. I stand in the doorway as I watch them dance around singing into spoons.

" Well, look at this, Jade has come out of hiding," Alice says, and I smirk at her rolling my eyes.

" Bite me," I say half-heartedly as I sit at the table.

" Ooo someone has their grumpy panties on," Ana says smirking as she scoops up a pile of scrambled eggs onto a plate.

" Do not," I groan, " I just need some coffee."

" Or hot steamy Edward boom boom time," Rosalie chuckles and I roll my eyes blushing deeply as Ana presses a coffee mug into my hands.

" Thanks," I murmur catching her eyes as she brushes a hand over my shoulder in understanding.

" Anyway, onto the plans for the day. I was thinking we could drive out to Bellevue Square, do some shopping, have a good dinner," Alice chimes in as she sits on the counter with her plate of food, " Besides, I have some big news."

" Sounds good to me," Rosalie and Ana chime in together and I nod my head as I sip my coffee. No use in fighting it. I have no choice.

A soft knock on my bedroom door pulls me from my thoughts a half an hour later and I set my eyeliner down turning to see Ana standing against the wall.

" Hey, what's up?" I ask smiling softly as I turn back to the mirror to finish my make-up.

" I was going to ask you the same thing," Ana murmurs as she sits on the end of the bed staring at me, " You've been off ever since you told me about Nick."

" I don't know what your talking about Ana, I'm fine, I promise," I say turning to look at her, hoping that my true emotions aren't shining all over my face.

" I call bullshit. I know you Jade, better than anyone else, and I know when your trying to hide what's really going on. So the way I look at it, you can either come clean and spill it, or I can bug the hell out of you until you tell me, and you know that I will," she says easily an icy tone to her voice.

" All right, so Nick being here, is just, messing with my head. I mean I haven't seen him or heard from him ever since, well you know, and now all of a sudden he just pops back up into my life," I say sighing heavily as I take a seat next to her.

" That isn't all of it though is it?" she asks wrapping an arm around my shoulders as I lay my head next to hers, " I mean, I know I haven't been around much because I've been so busy with Jazz, Lilly, school, and work, but I notice things Jade. What's really wrong. It isn't just about Nick, something is going on with you and Edward." I shrug my shoulder's numbly. I should have known. If anyone was going to see through me so easily it was going to be my best friend.

" I don't know. It's just," I pause when there is a knock on the door and Alice and Rosalie pop their heads through the open door.

" Let's get a move on ladies, so much shopping so little time," Alice sings as she dances into the room twirling in her colorful outfit.

" Ali-" Ana says but I nudge her shaking my head slightly, telling her with my eyes that its okay, we will finish this conversation later. That's the thing about best friends, you don't have to say a word.

* * *

" Aww, look at this one, its so pretty, it will be perfect for Christmas," Ana coo's as she picks up the millionth puffy dress twirling it around as a dreamy look enters her eyes.

" That's such a," I say, shrugging my shoulders, " a frou-frou dress, Ana, how about something like this?" I ask holding up a black onesie with a girly skull on the front and under it in bold letters the words _'Aunties Lil' Hellion' _are scrawled.

" There is nothing wrong with this dress," Ana pouts sticking the dress back onto the rack.

" Aww come on Ana, no pouting, we all know that if you don't buy the dress Alice or Rosalie will," I say hooking my arm through hers, still holding the onesie I picked out, " I am however totally buying this."

" Of course you are," she murmurs grumpily.

" Come on Ana, cheer up," I tease as we walk from Carter's, my bag swinging in my hand.

" How come you got to buy her a onesie and I couldn't buy that one dress?" she whines and I roll my eyes smirking at her.

" That's what you said about the dress you bought a half an hour ago, and the one before that, and the three before that. The girl has more than enough dresses between you, Alice, Rose, and the Grandparents, don't you think?" I ask as we head towards the restaurant we agreed to meet Rosalie and Alice at. I cant help but laugh when Ana murmurs darkly that a little girl could never have enough dresses.

" There they are," Rosalie silken voice greets us as Alice bounces up and down trying to see over the crowd of people to see us.

" Geeze, what took you guys so long?" Alice asks and I roll my eyes pointing my finger at Ana.

" I had to tear her out of Carter's. She very well could have bought the place out," I say and Alice and Rosalie giggle as Ana blushes deeply.

" I wasn't that bad," she murmurs trying unsuccessfully to hide the proof of her shopping spree.

" Sure you weren't," Alice teases and Rosalie elbows her lightly, " Ouch, what the hell Rose."

" I wouldn't talk Ali, you dropped your bags off at the car, all ten of them mind you," Rosalie chides lightly and we fall into easy, deep laughter as we walk into The Cheesecake Factory.

* * *

Twenty minutes later we sit at our table looking over our menu's when Alice gently clanks her fork against her wine glass.

" I figured I better tell you guys the big news now," Alice says shifting in her seat slightly, " I'm moving out." I choke on my wine as Rosalie and Ana stare dumbly at Alice.

" What do you mean your moving out?" I sputter trying to find my center.

" I'm moving in with Elijah. I mean, it isn't a secret to you guys that we've been seeing each other, and he asked me if I wanted to move in with him," she says and I shake my head slowly trying to process her words. I mean, I'm happy for her I am, but it seems rather sudden and too fast. On top of it all, aside from Ana its Alice I'm closest too, not that I have anything against Rosalie, because I don't, but she's hardly home and when she is Emmett and her are attached at the lips.

" Wow, well congratulations," I murmur mustering a smile as we raise our glasses to toast her and Elijah.

" So, when are you moving in?" Ana asks and I listen half-heartedly as she launches into her plans. Now what am I supposed to do?

I stand in the room that Edward and I share staring into space, into nothing a small ache in my chest at just the thought of him. Things shouldn't be this complicated. I mean, I love Edward, as much as I want to deny it, it's the truth. But is love supposed to make you feel so helpless? If so then I must be deep in love, because I feel so completely helpless when it comes to him. If he just wasn't so serious. I mean, this wasn't supposed to start out as anything more than two people who enjoy each other's company and are physically compatible. But that isn't enough for Edward. I saw the look of longing he got in his eyes when and Ana and Jasper eloped on her twenty first birthday, the same look misted his impossibly deep eyes when he first caught sight of their daughter. That look is enough to send ice running through my veins. As much as Ana tried saying that marriage and children weren't in her plans she was wrong. Sure she was gun shy because of the way things happened with her parents but she was made to be a wife and mother. Me on the other hand. I shiver as I stop the thought from even entering my mind. I will not go there.

" Hey," a soft voice calls from behind me and I jump turning to find Ana standing a blanket wrapped tightly around herself as she stares at me through sleepy eyes, " Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

" Don't worry about it," I murmur smiling as she brushes past me climbing onto my bed, " What are you doing awake, its two thirty in the morning."

" Couldn't sleep. Kept thinking that I was hearing Lilly. Then I had to remind myself that she is with the grandparents. You know there is such a thing as phantom pain, so its possible for a mother to have phantom crying syndrom right?," she asks stifling a yawn, " Besides we didn't get to finish our talk." She pats the spot next to her and I shuffle towards her kicking off my shoes before sitting next to her. " You know what I love about you Jade?"

" Mmm that I'm so amazing?" I ask laughing when she rolls her eyes at me bumping her shoulder against mine.

" Besides the obvious," she mutters, " You are so strong Jade. You helped me through so much over the past year. All of the drama with Jasper, then we almost died, my marriage, pregnancy. The entire time you were the rock that I could always count on. No matter what happened I knew that at the end of the day that I could count on you. That's what I love about you, but that's also what scares me about you. Your so strong that you hold things inside of you. It wasn't so bad, before we came here, you would come to me, and even if you didn't it didn't take me long to find the truth. But now, you just seem so, distant. I need you to know that just because I don't live here, doesn't mean that I'm not here for you."

" I know that Ana," I murmur cursing the fact that my throat tightens on me and I clear it quickly hoping that the evidence of my emotions goes unnoticed, " It's just that I don't understand what's going on myself. I mean, I told you a little bit earlier, about Nick, but the things with Edward are just a whole new ball park. Hell, it's a whole new hemisphere."

" Have you guys been fighting?" she asks her voice filling with automatic worry.

" No, no. Its just, I don't know if this is what I want. He's so serious. I wasn't looking for serious Ana," I say shrugging my shoulders before dropping my head to my hands.

" Well, can I just give you some advice. You saw what happened with Jasper and me last year. All of the hot and cold, he loves me, he loves me not bullshit, don't do that to Edward, most importantly don't do that to yourself. Just give yourself time. Maybe take a break, clear your head. Just don't act quickly without weighing all of your options okay? I mean, you have to ask yourself if you love him, but more so, if your willing to allow yourself to be in love with Edward," she says and I sigh nodding my head. I cant argue the point with her. If anyone would know what playing games with the heart it's Ana she went through more than her fair share of it with Jasper. Now all I can do is hope that I don't do the same with Edward. He doesn't deserve it.

* * *

_**Two Week's Later**_

Alice has been out of the house for a little over a week now and the house seems emptier than ever. On the plus side I haven't had to face Edward alone, I've come to find that between school and work it isn't so hard to evade him. So why do I feel so damn guilty that I haven't talked to him?

'_Because your doing almost the same exact thing Jazz did to Ana,' _the voice in my head taunts me as I walk out of the lab heading for my car. No I'm not. I'm not being that cruel am I? I sigh heavily as I shut the door behind me resting my head on the steering wheel, closing my eyes. At least if I am, it isn't intentional. I sit up starting the car with a new resolve. Tonight I will sit Edward down and talk to him. Shouldn't be too hard right?

Twenty minutes later I pull into the drive way and notice a car parked on the road that I haven't seen before. I don't give it a second thought as I pull my books and bag from the back seat and walk into the door. Emmett's raised voice greets me as I walk into the house, his laughter reverberating off the walls, and I cant help but smile. One thing about Emmett, he has a laughter that's as contagious and much more pleasant than the flu.

" Jade, is that you?" Rosalie calls out to me and I smile setting my bag and books down making my way to the kitchen.

" Yeah, who else would it be?" I ask my words sliding down my throat as I catch sight of Nick. The bane of my existence. A slow smirk crosses his lips as he notices the dark look that enters my eyes.

" Your just in time to welcome our new roommate," Emmett says hugging me tightly. My stomach rolls as I groan against him.

" Its nice to meet you, Jade," Nick says holding a hand out to me and before I can respond with the scathing words that are bubbling behind my lips Edward walks in taking me from Emmett's arms. I notice the smile that was on Nick's lips falter slightly and smile darkly to myself as I turn and kiss Edward deeply. I look over my shoulder after breaking the kiss and see that the smirk on Nick's face has been successfully wiped clean.

" Have you met our new roommate baby?" I ask looking up at Edward who smiles down at me, unaware that the new roommate is in fact my ex-fiancé. A slight pang of guilt courses through me but I quickly smother it and think of other things so that I don't tip Edward off. It isn't that I'm trying to hide it from him, but if Nick wants to insert himself into my life to try and make me miserable, the least I can do is return the favor.


	3. Author's Note Number One

**Author's Note**

Okay, so I know that some of you will be hoping that this is a new chapter, but before you throw things at me, or come running after me with pitch forks or something equally as bad, this is a necessary Author's note.

I have gotten a few messages from people asking about certain stories and if I am planning on continuing them. So I just want to assure everyone that I am continuing all of them. The only one that I am not continuing at this time with no plans to do so until a few of my other stories are completed is Tell Me Its Going To Be Okay. But I do promise to write that one as soon as some of my other stories are done.

Now onto the schedule.

**Will You Still Be There? **Every Monday and Wednesday I will add chapters to this story.

**Jaded Love; Jade's Story: **Every Tuesday and Thursday I will add chapters to this story.

**We Are Broken: **Every Friday I will add chapters to this story.

Now, of course this schedule is not set in stone, after all things happen. I may get a stroke of genius and pump out five chapters in one night, or I may completely lose my creative drive and have to wait it out. But this is the schedule that I am going to try very hard to stick too.

Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me through all of the writers block, and the messaged letting me know that my stories are missed, you guys are honestly one of my biggest pushes to keep on writing.

Love,

Amber aka Amberdoodle


	4. Chapter 3: The Truth Is

**Author's Note: Hello all. So as always, I do not own Twilight or its characters, but I do own the original ones :D Erm so I know I put up that handy dandy schedule, and I mean to stick to it, but I lost internet from like Thursday night until just earlier today. So If things come out a little out of sync with the schedule through this weekend thats why. Anyways, I hope that you all enjoy this chapter :D **

**Chapter 3: The Truth Is…**

" _**I don't think that you ever forget the first person you fell in love with. I mean, they were the first one to make your heart skip a beat, to give you butterflies, to show you that you are in fact not completely alone in this vast world. No, you don't forget your first love, but you sure as hell can get over them," Anonymous.**_

* * *

For most people, well girls anyways, having your ex-fiancé under the same roof of your present boyfriend would be enough to have you paranoid. If not paranoid then at least on the edge of an emotional break down. Thank God I am not most girls. I lay in bed staring at the ceiling, watching the soft light creeping under the blinds of the room as it sends different designs dancing across the ceiling. I will remain cool. If Ni-_he_, is insistent on staying here, hey that's his call. If he wants to watch me live my life not thinking about him, as hard as he tries to make it otherwise, that's his decision. Okay, so maybe I'm being a bit spiteful, but I cant be held responsible for it. He caused it all. The day he ripped my heart from my chest without a second thought. The familiar ache starts pulling inside of me and I groan rolling over only to be filled with an all new ache as I look at Edward. His face the picture of tranquility as he sleeps. This pain is all on me though. It isn't his fault, I'm damaged.

I slip out of bed and make my way to the bathroom, closing and locking the door snugly behind me before turning, snapping the water on. I slowly undress letting the steam billow into the bathroom sending goose bumps over my skin as I slide under the hot spray of the water. It's been two years. Two long years since my heart was obliterated. It was hard enough for me to let someone in, especially in the romantic sense, but when he came into my life it seemed so easy, natural. Like breathing actually, it was that simple. So to say I fell deep and fast in love with him is an understatement. It was all passion and fire. We didn't fight. When things got bad and I couldn't go to Ana, or wouldn't out of love for her and not wanting to burden her with my messed up life, I went to him, where there was always open arms. We had our life planned out. He would move to Washington with Ana and me, go to school with us, and once I was through medical school we'd settle down. It was us against the world. Or so I thought. I close my eyes remembering the day it happened.

'_Hey Nick, its Jade, you remember your fiancé? when are you going to be home?' I say into the phone laughing as I hang up and hear the door open revealing my boyfriend a huge smile on his face. _

" _There you are," I say walking to him, wrapping my arms around him in a tight hug. _

" _Hello gorgeous," Nick says pulling away slightly to press a kiss to my lips, " I have big news for you babe. Huge news, come sit down so I can talk to you." I raise an eyebrow at him as he pulls me to the couch. _

" _Do you remember the uncle I told you about that lives in Colorado?" he asks nuzzling my neck pulling a small giggle from my lips. _

" _Mhm," I murmur running my fingers through his hair. _

" _Well, he just offered me an amazing job. I would be starting out making more money than the majority of his workers, and he said we can have one of his houses. I mean of course we will have to pay rent, but I will be making enough to pay it while you go to school," he happily chatters on as I freeze my heart hammering in my chest, " Babe? Babe, have you heard a single thing that I said? I'm sitting here telling you that we can get married before heading out to Colorado and your looking at me like you've seen a ghost." _

" _Nick, honey, slow down," I stammer sliding off his lap, " Your moving too fast. We all ready had a plan remember? We were going to Washington, with Ana. We were going to wait to get married until I finish med school." I trail off noticing when his face drops, his smile disappearing quickly as he gets up to pace the living room. _

" _Well plans change all the time right? This is a once and a lifetime chance babe," he says, " Don't you trust me?" _

" _Of course I do, its just, I've all ready been accepted to U.W and sent in tuition money," I wince when he throws a coffee mug across the room. _

" _Do you love me Jade?" he asks his voice pleading. _

" _You know that I do," I stutter trying to find some sense of inner strength._

" _Then do this with me. We can start our life together. Away from here, away from all of it. We can leave now, be in Vegas and married in under eight hours, what's stopping you?" he asks sitting on the edge of the table taking my hands in his. _

" _Nick, I, I cant okay, this is, this is just moving too fast," I say, " We had a plan that worked. Why are you trying to change it?" _

" _You know what forget this," he roars dropping my hands as if they were on fire as he storms to the door, " You are a selfish bitch." I jump slightly when he slams the door before burying my face in my hands wishing I could just disappear. _

I pull myself from the memory shaking my head. Sure that part was painful. And partly my fault. I wasn't ready to give him what it was that he was asking of me. But who is at nineteen? Besides that isn't what truly ended our relationship. Sure, it scarred it, maybe gave it a helpful push to its breaking point, but the thing that gave it the final push over the edge is what he did that night. Out of anger. Out of hate.

" _Are you sure Ana? I mean, we had so many plans," I trail off as Ana laughs loudly into the phone assuring me that it would be fine. She was a big girl after all, she could survive college on her own. After all it isn't like we wouldn't see each other again. " All right well, I'm home now, I'm just going to wait for him to come back. You know how it is, he gets angry, he leaves, blows off steam and then we can talk again. Love you too, bye." I hang up the phone and unlock the apartment door walking in and closing the door tightly behind me. I notice the clothes immediately. A trail of them leading to the bedroom we've shared for the last eight months. My heart sinks as my mind automatically jumps to the worst case scenario. And for once, I was right. I push the bedroom door open and find Nick in bed with an unknown redhead his eyes closed. _

" _What the hell is this?" I scream jolting them out of their sleep. _

" _Jade, I" he mutters trying to untangle himself from the girl. _

" _Save it. You know, I came back here to say that I changed my mind. That I would go with you, because that's what I wanted. Your what I wanted. Lucky for me you chose to show your true colors, albeit you waited until the last minute, but you did it nonetheless. I have just one more thing to say to you Nicholas, go to hell!" _

Funny isn't it? How quickly people can turn on you? After that day I swore I wouldn't let anyone in. I wouldn't give another man the power to cause me that kind of pain. But then I met Edward. My submission to him however, was involuntary. I didn't have a choice. That's what is most infuriating about this entire thing. I didn't have the choice. Most people do don't they? When they fall in love? I run a towel over my hair as I open the bathroom door, stopping short when I see Edward sitting on the edge of the bed staring straight ahead, his face pulled tight as if he is torn somewhere between agonizing pain and utter fury.

" Were you ever going to tell me Jade?" Edward asks his voice cold as he speaks the words. I shift from foot to foot trying to stop the racing beating of my heart.

" Stay out of my head Edward," I say trying to rely on anger. Anger is safe.

" I wasn't searching your head Jade. I promised you that I would never invade you that way, but it's kind of hard to do that when your all but screaming what's there at me," he says his face easily showing all of his emotions.

" Edward, I wasn't hiding it from you," I say sighing with frustration at my own pitiful excuse, " I just. I didn't know how to tell you."

" Oh I don't know. _' Hey Edward, the ex-fiancé I didn't bother telling you about mind you, is not only back in my life, but he's living right upstairs,'_ would have done the trick," he spits out his hands tightening on the corner of the bed.

" God, don't be so dramatic," I say rolling my eyes as I turn to the closet to pull out some clothes.

" I'm no being dramatic Jade. I am being serious. You have been off for a while now. There was just something about you that just seemed different, but I gave you your space, thinking that in time, you would trust me, and you would come to me with whatever is bothering you. So I waited. Waited. Waited, and then last night it's like some switch got thrown in you and all of a sudden you were so loving. So I chalked up your previous behavior to stress and missing Ana. Now I know the truth. You put on that show last night for him," he says, and I turn slowly frightened when I see the tears that are threatening to fall down his face. The pain so alive in his face that I curse myself for being the one who caused it.

" Edward, it, it wasn't like that," I murmur taking a step toward him feeling slightly taken aback when he gets up from the bed, stepping away from me.

" Then tell me Jade, what was it exactly? The last month you have done everything in your power to avoid me unless we're sleeping, and then in walks Nick and all of a sudden you want to be a loving girlfriend?" he asks his voice speculative, " You are doing exactly what Jasper did to Ana just a year ago."

" That isn't fair Edward," I whisper my throat tightening, not so much from hurt, but from the fact that what he is saying is true.

" And what you've been doing to me is? Look I love you Jade, and if you don't get that or you don't want to accept that, that's on you," he says but I shake my head furiously stopping him in mid-sentence.

" I know you love me Edward, do you think I don't? I just don't, I don't know what I want," I trail off realizing that everything that I had wanted to tell him for so long seems to be lost somewhere, incapable of being verbalized when I see the tortured look in his eyes.

" Then I think we need to take a break for a while Jade, until you decide just what and who it is that you want," he says turning and leaving the room. I stare after him, my heart breaking as I realize too late that the best thing about me just walked away.

* * *

I fling the fridge open angrily and jump back as a bowl of fruit falls off the shelf smashing against the floor.

" Great, just fucking great," I growl swooping down to pick up the remnants of the cheerful yellow bowl that Alice had painted from the floor.

" Bad morning?" A sarcastic voice asks from behind me and I turn narrowing my eyes at Nick. I open my mouth ready to rip into him when I shake my head turning to slam the refrigerator door behind me, " Oh come on roomie, you can talk to me."

" Shut up! Okay, just shut up. I don't want to talk to you," I scream slamming the all ready broken bowl onto the counter ending all chances of repair, " What in the hell are you doing here anyways?"

" I thought you didn't want to talk to me," he answers tauntingly and my hand tightens instinctively as I fight the urge to haul off and smack him that stupid smile off his face.

" Just go away," I hiss out shoving the broken glassware into the trash can, before stalking towards the kitchen door.

" I came for you," he says his voice light and I freeze, turning slowly to look at him.

" Are you crazy?" I demand, " Did you sustain some sort of brain damage in the two years since I saw you last?"

" No, still intact," he answers smirking as he taps his head with his finger, " I'm serious Jade. I came for you. I made the biggest mistake of my life when I did what I did."

" Your right you did. So what, did you honestly think that your going to come back after all this time to find the same love sick school girl waiting for you?" I scream not realizing that some people have gathered in the door way to watch the fight.

" Nick?" a questioning voice calls from behind me and I turn finding Ana cradling a sleeping Lily in her arms staring at us in shock.

" Well, well, if it isn't Ana," Nick says, eyeing her up and down, " So the story was true. You did go and get yourself knocked up. I never believed it. After all you were such a good girl back home. Ah well, college changes people. Where's the daddy? Or do you even know who the sperm donor is?" My fists tighten as I take a step towards him only to be stopped by someone clearing their throat.

" You should mind how you talk about my wife," Jasper calm and steady voice flows through the kitchen and at once my temper dulls to a mild flicker due to Jasper's own special ability.

" Sorry, no harm intended," Nick says putting his hands up as he shakes his head, " Just getting reacquainted with an old friend is all."

" Save it Nick. Jade kicked your sorry ass out of her life once, and I will be more than happy to help her a second time around. What in the hell are you doing here anyways?" Ana demands her voice low but threatening nonetheless.

" Oh I'm the new roommate," he says smiling before walking out of the kitchen.

" The new roommate," Ana sputters, " You've got to be kidding me."

" I wish I was," I murmur turning to look at her.

" How is that even possible? Edward would have put a stop to that," she says shifting Lilly onto her shoulder.

" He didn't know who Nick was, until this morning," I confess and listen as Ana lets out a quiet stream of curses.

" Really Jade?" she asks, her voice slightly shocked as I groan dropping my head to the counter trying to forget about this hellish morning.

* * *

" Jade, lets go," Ana calls out as she sweeps into my room and I lift my head from the bed looking at her in confusion.

" What do you mean lets go?" I ask slightly whining when she pulls me from the comfort of the bed and thrusts my jacket at me.

" We're going out for a drive," she insists as she pushes me from the room.

" I don't want to go for a drive Ana, I want to stay alone, in my room, with nobody around," I hiss putting emphasis on the fact that I want to be alone.

" I understand that. But I also know that the longer you sit on whatever it is that's going on with you, the likelihood of you going completely coocoobanana's on anyone and everyone is greatly increased. So, we're going to go somewhere, where it can be just you and me," she says in a matter of fact tone as she leads me out of the house.

One of the many things that I love about Ana is that she doesn't push, or maybe she does but in such a subtle way that I feel safe enough to tell her exactly what's on my mind. Take now for example. We have been sitting in the car, watching the few people brave enough to step foot outside of the warmth of their homes walk around the park. I cant help but slightly smile as the flakes of snow start falling sending people towards their cars.

" Listen, Jade, you know that I wouldn't try and push you to tell me what's going on with you, but I'm worried," Ana says finally breaking the tense silence that fills the car, " Emmett called this morning, said that Edward took off to Forks for the holiday. At first I didn't think much of it, until Emmett told Jasper that he was pretty upset, and that you weren't with him."

" I screwed it all up Ana," I confess dropping my eyes to my lap fiddling with my fingers nervously, " Everything was fine you know. I was dealing with Nick being in the same state as me, and I was trying to work through whatever emotional road block I seemed to hit with Edward but then Nick moved in. I was so pissed. Seriously, so pissed when I found out that he convinced Emmett that he would be a good roommate. I actually pulled a Jasper last night. Seriously, I saw him, and that stupid smirk, and the way he was looking at me, and I could all but hear his thoughts, it was like he was silently telling me that at any moment he could come clean and tell Edward all about us and our past, so I kissed Edward. I mean really kissed him. The thing is, I did it to get at Nick. I didn't want to kiss Edward."

" Wait, back up, you didn't want to kiss your boyfriend?" she asks her eyes riddled with worry as she works the things that I have told her over in her head.

" No, and don't call him that, I don't think we're together anymore," I whisper, " Or I should say 'we're on a break' his words, not mine. I just, I don't know what to do."

" Do you still love him?" she asks, " Honestly Jade, do you still love Nick?"

" What, no!" I all but scream at her disgusted by the mere thought of having anything but disgusted feelings towards Nick.

" Really? Then why did you do what you did?" she asks and I shrug my shoulders sighing.

" It's just, he gets under my skin, like nobody else ever has," I confess, " I just, wish that he would disappear."

" You and me both. But I hate to tell you best friend, even if he disappeared that wouldn't change what is or isn't going on with you and Edward," she says reaching over hugging me.

" I know, and that's the bitch of it," I murmur allowing myself to fall into the support and safety only a best friend can offer.

* * *

Ana and I walk back into the house arm in arm when Rosalie breezes down the stairs, stopping to smile at us.

" Ahh just the girls I was looking for, family meeting," Rosalie says walking with us into the living room.

" Uh, oh, I think we're in trouble Jade," Ana jokes easily as Rosalie takes a seat next to Emmett, and Jasper sits holding a sleeping Lilly on his shoulder.

" I think your right," I murmur back sitting across from everyone, " Whatever it is, she made me do it."

" Nu uh, it was all her idea," she says back and we fall into light laughter before going completely silent noticing that the only one who let out so much as a small chuckle was Emmett, and well lets face it, he laughs at just about anything.

" We need to talk about Christmas," Rosalie says and I feel Ana immediately stiffen next to me.

" Ana, we know that you have a hard time thinking about going back there, but the entire family is going to be there," Jasper says passing Lilly to Rosalie so that he can come sit in front of Ana. I turn looking at her, her face a sick shade of white as she takes deep breathes. I know that Jasper is working his magic on her, as he sets his hands on her face, staring straight at her.

" Okay, you guys are right. The family should be together for Christmas, and its time that I get over this," she murmurs her voice slight as she pushes up from the couch easily taking her daughter back in her arms before heading for the privacy of another room.

" Well, that was easier than I thought it would be," Emmett murmurs and I nod my head noting the look of anxiety in Jasper's eyes.

" She's terrified," he says quietly before following behind Ana.

* * *

It isn't fair. Life that is. I mean here I am feeling like the lowest of low because of everything going on with Edward and Nick, and in the mean time my best friend is trying her hardest to swallow her fear in order to make everyone happy. I stare out of the window of my bedroom, watching as the snow continues to fall in big puffy flakes, wishing that life could be like the snow. When it snows everything goes quiet and still, blanketed in softness, clean. I turn my head slowly when I hear the door opening and find Edward, his hair mussed so much so that I wonder just how many times he ran his fingers through it trying to find some reason in all the madness.

" You came back?" I murmur trying to stifle the overwhelming happiness that courses through me by his mere presence.

" I got about half way there and realized that running from whatever problem this seems to be isn't going to help anything," Edward says shutting the door behind him.

" Edward, I'm sorry. You were right. I should have told you from the very beginning about him, about that part of my past and I don't know why I didn't," I say, taking a seat next to him on the bed.

" I have to admit that made me mad. But I was mad at myself more," he says and I look at him completely confused.

" What are you talking about?" I ask, brushing the hair from his forehead.

" I felt like a hypocrite. I mean it wasn't that long ago I almost married my ex, and I wasn't completely upfront with you about her, so maybe I over reacted. The truth is this, you know that I love you, and as much as you struggle with it, I know that you love me. So we can either waste a lot of time fighting and struggling, or we can just put this behind us and go on from here," he says and the breath catches in my throat.

" You'd do that for me?" I ask, feeling only slightly ashamed by the tears that burn in my eyes.

" Absolutely," he says brushing a kiss to my forehead.

" Look, I don't want to make promises to you Edward, I don't want to promise that I'm just going to pretend that I'm not scared or apprehensive, but I can promise that I will try," I say smiling when he beams at me.

" That's all that I can ask for," he murmurs pressing a soft kiss to my lips, " That you will try."

I lay in Edwards arms, watching him sleep, and I feel like we just may have a fighting chance. Then again, life is never easy, and I know Nick sure and the hell isn't going to go without a fight.


	5. Chapter 4: A Year Ago

**Author's Note: Hey all :D Sorry its taken me so long to update, just had a slight case of writers block lol. Go figure I get a schedule up and it just stops everything up. Anyways, hope that you all enjoy the chapter. **

**PS I do not own Twilight haha **

**Chapter 4: A Year Ago**

**" Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live."-Dorothy Thompson**

**Edward's POV**

I walk into the kitchen, fallowing the sound of hushed voices and the smell of hot coffee.

" Oh hey look who decided to join the land of the living," Emmett booms out laughing when I wince slightly and make a bee line for the coffee pot.

" Shut up," I murmur taking a small sip from my mug, " I had a late night last night."

" We know, actually I think all of Seattle heard you and Jade last night," Rosalie jokes setting a muffin in front of me, " Speaking of which, where is your better half?"

" Shower," I say over a mouthful of fresh baked blueberry muffin. The kitchen settles into content silence, Emmett and Rosalie busy packing coolers for the trip while I try my hardest to wake up, when the phone rings shrilly making me jump.

" I'll get it," I say laughing slightly while I answer the phone, " Hello."

" Edward, is Ana there?" Jasper's anxious voice fills my ears.

" No, she isn't," I say, " Why, should she be? I thought you, her and Lilly were going to meet us here in half an hour."

" We were but she's gone Edward. I got out of bed and got in the shower and Ana was all ready awake, she was packing Lilly's diaper bag and when I got out of the bathroom she was gone," Jasper says his anxiety reaching a fever pitch, " So I ran down to Alice and Elijah's place, thinking that maybe she was down there, making sure they were awake but they didn't answer the door and the cars gone Edward. Ana wouldn't just leave Lilly behind, not unless something is really wrong."

" Okay, Jasper, just relax okay, I'll find her, I promise," I say hanging up the phone and turn to find Rosalie, Emmett, and Jade all staring at me. " Ana's gone."

" What do you mean Ana's gone?" Jade asks her hands clutching the counter.

" I'm going to go look for her," I say grabbing my keys from the counter.

" I'm coming too," Jade says and I turn around taking her shoulders in my hands.

" Jade let me do this okay, you should go get Jasper and Lilly, okay?" I say and I watch with my heart aching as her eyes fill with tears that she stifles.

" Okay," she whispers pulling me back to her hugging me tightly. I linger in it for a few seconds before pulling myself free and heading for the door.

I check the clock, the neon colored numbers shining brightly against the blackness of the night. Three forty five and while we should be on the road heading to Forks for Christmas with our families, I'm out driving the streets of Seattle wondering where Ana is. My hand fumbles over the passenger seat as my cell phone rings.

" Hello," I answer slightly annoyed.

" She's at Woodland Rose Garden, she takes Lilly there every week," Alice's voice rings through the phone, her voice thick with tears.

" Thanks Ali, hey don't worry, I'm going to bring her home," I murmur snapping my phone shut as I turn the car into a sharp u-turn.

My feet crunch over frost bitten grass as I bury my hands in the pocket of my jacket. My feet instinctively carry me towards Ana, her thoughts so loud that she might as well be standing right next to me whispering in my ear.

' _Why, cant I just let this go? Why am I the only one who is still so afraid? This is so ridiculous Ana. One of the dumbest thing you have ever done. God it's cold, why didn't I think to grab a jacket?' _I smile despite myself and the current situation. I have to admit, I have always found Ana's thoughts some of the most amusing that I have ever heard, and then her thoughts turn dark, causing me to freeze in mid-step, as her pain and fear pour freely through her thoughts making me cringe.

" Ana," I call out softly but she doesn't move, doesn't speak a word, just continues to sit her back to me. I let out a breath and sit next to her, taking her hand in mine. I wince slightly, the coolness of her skin biting into the warmth of mine, " Are you trying to give yourself pneumonia?" She shakes her head slowly turning tear filled eyes towards me.

" N-no, I, I, ju-just wanted, to b-be a-l-lone," Ana stammers her words barely understandable as her teeth chatter against the unforgiving cold.

" Jesus," I mutter pulling my jacket off, sliding her into it. I button it quickly, wrapping an arm over her shoulder, running my hand up and down her arm hoping the friction would help bring her body temperature up, even just a little, " Where's your head at Ana?"

" You should know," she mumbles looking up at me.

" Fair enough," I say smiling, happy to know that at least her quick wit wasn't affected by near hypothermia, " Ana, you aren't the only one whose afraid. We're all haunted by that day."

" If that's true Edward, then why am I the only one who is having such a hard time with this? I am so scared, so terrified, and I cant shake it. As hard as I'm trying to put on a brave face for Jasper, Lilly, for everyone, I cant shake the bone chilling fear that something bad is going to happen," she says her words thick from the tears that are streaming down her face. I take her face in my hands, my thumbs brushing at the tears that spill down her cheeks.

" Listen to me Ana, what you went through, what we all went through a year ago was life altering, and scary as hell. Emmett and I almost lost a sister, I almost lost Jade, Jasper almost lost you. Almost. You all were brought back, saved, for a reason, and I refuse to believe that the reason is just so a year down the road 'fate' or whatever force is at hand in this universe could finish the job. You have gone through more than anyone else I know in the last year. Heartbreak, triumph, marriage, a baby. If you let fear rule you, you will miss out on some of the most amazing moments that life has to offer you," I say watching her impossibly green eyes fill and spill over as she nods her head before hugging me, holding onto me tightly, " Lets go home." I walk with her my arms around her shoulder as we make our way to the parking lot knowing that I may have helped her, but in the end whether or not Ana defeats this fear is going to be up to her, but if anyone can do it, she can.

* * *

_**Ana's POV**_

I stare up at the house lights blazing against the cold dark. This house holds so much. The good times, and the bad. I fell in love in this house, and almost lost it here too. I let out a shaky breath and look out of the corner of my eye, noticing the way that Edward studies me.

" Go ahead, I'll be there in a second," I murmur pulling his jacket tighter around myself.

" You sure? You don't have to go in there alone," Edward says his finding mine, squeezing it lightly and I smile.

" I'm sure, go," I urge and I watch as he shakes his head, grabbing the keys from the ignition before opening the door, " Edward." He turns back to look at me a soft smile on his lips. " Thank you, for finding me, talking to me. I just, I know that if it had been anyone else it would have, well you know what it would have been, so thank you."

" Anytime Ana, anytime," he murmurs leaning through the open door to press a soft kiss to my forehead before turning and walking away into the darkness. I take a deep breath and look down at my hands, turning my wedding ring around my finger before pushing out of the car.

I close the front door lightly behind me, pressing my back to the wood as I listen to the familiar noise. Emmett in the kitchen singing some random song at the top of his lungs, and I cant help but smile. All anxiety falling to the way side as the warmth of the house envelopes me.

" Ana," a soft voice whispers and I turn my head finding Jade standing in the hallway, Lilly sleeping in her arms and I curse the fact that her eyes are rimmed with red, guilt settling in as I know that I was the cause of her tears.

" Jade," I murmur walking to her, wrapping her in a hug, " I'm sorry."

" Don't ever take off like that again, not without me. Didn't you know that taking off that way is so last year?" she asks pulling a soft giggle from my lips even as my eyes cloud over.

" I wont, I promise," I say pulling away, easily taking Lilly into my arms.

" Well you better get into the kitchen, Jasper's a wreck," she says and I nod my head turning with her as she leads the way.

" Ana-banana! And here I thought that you were going to rob us of your presence this Christmas," Emmett proclaims in a booming voice causing Lilly to stir in my arms.

" Yeah well," I say shrugging my shoulders lightly handing Lilly to Rosalie's waiting arms. I look up, my eyes finding Jasper's on me, and I nod my head slightly as he motions with his head for me to fallow him, my heart beating rapidly against my ribs.

I stand in Edward and Jades room, wringing my hands together nervously as Jasper stands by the window, his back to me his shoulders tight.

" Jazz," I murmur but he cuts me off with a simple raise of his hand.

" Do you have any idea how scared I was? I thought that you were okay Ana. We talked about it over and over and every time you assured me that you were okay with going back there. Why did you lie to me? Especially since you know that I can help you," Jasper asks turning to look at me, his eyes wild with concern and anger.

" I don't know okay. I thought that I was okay. Then I woke up this morning and I started packing Lilly's diaper bag, and I picked up her pink rubber duck that Emmett gave her and it brought me right back to a year ago, when he gave me an identical one, and by the end of that day I was almost dead," I say tears streaming down my face, " I'm scared Jasper. Scared of going back there, of having to face the memories. You remember what happened the last time we tried going to Forks? We didn't make it half way there before I had a full blown panic attack and had to turn around."

" Well if you would just let me help you Ana," he urges but I shake my head at him throwing my hands up at him.

" We talked about that Jasper, I don't want that. I accept that its something inside of, something that you cannot control, but I don't want it used on me. When you stop feeling Jasper, you lose yourself. You forget how to be human, I don't want that," I say walking to him, " What I want is to apologize for taking off the way that I did, and to promise I wont ever do it again. I want to bundle our beautiful daughter up in that insanely adorable and extremely over priced winter outfit that your parents bought her, and I want to go home with you for Christmas, that is what I want Jasper Hale."

" Al right, on one condition," he says cupping my face in his hands, " If it gets to be too much, you have to let me help."

" Okay," I nod, resting my head on his shoulder as he hugs me. I know I can beat this, I have to.

* * *

" All right people we are all ready running an hour behind," Rosalie sings out, " So we have Alice, Elijah, me and Emmett in one car, Edward, Jade, Ana, Jasper, and the most beautiful little girl in the entire world in the next car. There will be three, yes count them three bathroom stops, and I hear its snowing pretty good, so no speeding. Edward if it gets too bad we will pull over and wait it out."

" Sounds good to me," Edward says squeezing Jade's shoulder tightly.

" Wait, three bathroom stops? You do know that we're traveling with an infant," I say bending down to fasten Lilly into her car seat.

" All right five stops then," she says zipping up her coat, " If more needs to be taken then more will be taken, after all that's what cell phones are for." I chuckle as Jasper picks up the baby carrier and rolls his eyes.

" I swear, I think that my sister was a drill sergeant in a past life," Jasper whisper to me under his breath. I look up to find Jade standing alone and take her arm pulling her into the hallway.

" Hey, I haven't asked, because well, it just seemed a little too personal I guess you could say, and I wanted to know how things are going with Edward, and Nick," I ask and I watch as she shifts from foot to foot.

" Edward and I are doing good, taking it slow, one day at a time," she says, " As for Nick. Well he is as infuriating as ever, to be completely honest, I am just trying to stay as far away from him as possible." I laugh loudly shaking my head.

" That has to be hard to do seeing how he lives right upstairs," I say linking arms with her as we head for the door together at the sound of car horns blaring.

" You have no idea," she murmurs and I laugh even harder.

" Uhm hello, Ana and Jasper a year ago exactly ring any bells?" I ask smiling when she laughs right along with me, our voices mixing and piercing the early morning air.

My eyes are blind as I stare at the scenery flashing by in a blur through the windows of Edward's SUV, my fingers slightly numb, so much so that I have to look down at them to see that Jasper's holding on to them tightly.

" You okay?" he whispers his lips barely moving.

" Fine," I murmur catching sight of the bridge. The familiar bridge. Funny how one thing, one inanimate object completely changed my life. I take a deep breath as we start crossing the bridge, my heart galloping so hard in my chest I fear everyone can hear it and now the fear that's rising inside of my body, threatening to choke what little strength I have inside of me. " Stop the car."

" Ana," Jade says turning in her seat to look at me with worried eyes.

" Edward pull over," I say gripping the door handle as Edward slows the car pulling onto the shoulder. I push open the door shivering against the blast of cool air that greats me, and I blink my eyes slightly when a few snow flakes land on my eye lashes. I look both ways before jogging carefully across the snow, and I grab the concrete barrier, noticing the difference in the color on the stones.

" Ana," Jade calls after me.

" They replaced the stone. I mean, I figured that they would, you cant have a bridge with a huge hole in it, but, they changed it. Its been a year, so why does a stupid bridge scare me so much?" I ask, grabbing the cold stone, my fingers numbing against the cold. I feel the weight of Jade's hand on my shoulder as she stands next to me, and together we stare down at the rushing water of the river that tried to claim our lives.

" Ana we almost died, its okay to be scared," she says squeezing me lightly.

" You aren't scared," I mutter and she turns me to look at her, her eyes piercing into mine.

" Ana, I am scared everytime I think of it. That same ball of fear that burns in your core, burns in mine. We almost died. Not many twenty one year olds can say that they almost died and came back to stand in the same spot where they almost stopped existing, and look it in the face, and know that they beat it," she says and the flood gates open as I start crying, openly and freely. " So what do you say we get back into the car and go celebrate Christmas. Let's go live our lives."

" Sounds good to me," I murmur walking back to the waiting car. I stop, looking one more time at the bridge before climbing in next to Jasper and Lilly.

" I beat it didn't I?" I ask when Jasper take my hand.

" Yeah you did," he murmurs brushing a kiss to my fingertips.

* * *

_**Jade's POV**_

The house is finally quiet as I lay next to Edward. I roll over looking at him, his eyes closed, his face laying smooth as he dreams. I smile softly before sliding out of bed. I kneel down next to my unpacked bag, and pull out one of my sweaters, wincing slightly when something thuds onto the hard wood floor.

" Shit," I murmur turning my head to look at where Edward lays, grateful that he still lays sleeping, undisturbed by the noise. I feel around on the floor when my fingers bump against what tumbled out of my bag. I carry it into the bathroom shutting the door behind me before flipping on the light. I open my palm and find a ring box staring me in the face, and the shaking starts somewhere deep inside of me as I flip the top open. The engagement ring Nick had given me what seems like a million years ago glints softly under the lights of the bathroom. I blink misting eyes slowly when I notice the slip of paper that must have fluttered to the floor. I bend down unfolding it reading the familiar hand writing.

' _For the girl that I know still lives inside of you, the girl I know still loves me. I love you Jade, and I will wait for the day when you wake up and realize you love me too.'_


	6. Chapter 5: For Now

**Author's Note: Hey everyone. Don't even know if anyone still reads this story or are still interested in it, but inspiration struck for this particular story, so here I am writing it haha! Anyways, hope whoever reads it, enjoys it. As Always, Read/Enjoy/Review! Oh and I know it's kind of short but its leading up to the big, happy Christmas Chapter so thats why its a little on the short side :D**

**Chapter Five: For Now**

" _It doesn't matter how hurt or lost you feel, as long as you have friends."-Anonymous._

* * *

I tiptoe through the hallway of the darkened house, my hands running along the wall as I make my way to the room Ana and Jasper are sharing, and I thank whatever lucky stars I have left when I find that the door is cracked open, a soft light glowing inside of the room.

At least this way I wont have to feel guilty for waking my best friend from sleep.

I peek through the door, Jasper lying on his stomach long limbs consuming most of the bed, one leg dangling off the edge, an arm flung over the spot I know Ana was in not too long before. And there in front of the large window sits my best friend, her long blonde hair cascading down her back as she rocks her daughter, singing softly.

" Ana," I whisper and when the rocking chair stops moving I walk silently into the room, brushing a hand over her shoulder before sitting in front of her.

" Hey, what are you doing awake?" Ana whispers, smiling at me, and I smile lightly noticing the fatigue in her eyes.

" I needed someone to talk to, but I can wait," I say, nodding towards Lily who moves slightly in Ana's arms.

" No its okay, she's sound asleep, I was just too comfortable to put her back in the bassinet," she murmurs, looking down at her sleeping baby, running a finger lovingly down her cheek.

" I have a problem," I say, continuing our hushed conversation, " I think Nick is going to be a bigger problem that we all thought he would be."

" Why?" she asks, her voice immediately filled with concern. Aside from me and my obvious aversion to Nick, Ana has the biggest problem with him. Not too surprising really. Since for a short time, in the very beginning of our relationship Ana was temporarily pushed out, something I still feel innately guilty about.

She was understanding though, until Nick started being mean to her. Always having something to criticize her over. Her virginity, her family life, the fact that she and I were basically attached at the hip. All things he knew about because I was so damn insistent on telling him about things, and he was more than willing to use them against her.

" I found this in my bag," I say holding the ring box and note on my palm and her eyes grow wide.

" Oh," she says, holding a finger up to me. I watch as she gently maneuvers Lily onto her shoulder, getting to her feet. She fusses for a few minutes as she lays Lily in the bassinet before tip toeing to Jasper's sleeping form whispering in his ear. His mumbled voice is answer enough for her and she nods with her head towards the door and I follow her out.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, with snow falling quietly outside the cozy kitchen windows, I sit next to Ana at the kitchen table, both of us staring at the ring and note, silently contemplating.

" Is he crazy?" Ana asks, shaking her head as she runs her hands through her hair, taking a sip from her steaming mug of coffee.

" I don't know," I murmur, " I don't care to know. What I do know is he seems to have his heart set on making this entire situation as difficult on me, on everyone, as possible. This is insane Ana. I was rid of him for three years. Three years. Why come back now. Why try to ruin my life now? He made his choice. The night he didn't like what I had to say, when I wasn't going to do things the way he wanted them done, he chose to sleep with someone else. Not me. So why come back now?"

" I don't know," she says soothingly, running a hand up and down my back, " I can't begin to guess just what that insufferable bastard is up to. But I can tell you this. You cant hide this. You cant hide anything Nick may do, or say, or try to give you. You cant Jade," she presses when I start shaking my head, " I'm serious Jade. Hiding things will only make them worse. And you have to remember as much as you like to think that you can handle everything on your own, you cant. That's why I'm here. And Edward, and hell everyone. We may not be perfect, but we're family."

" I know Ana, its just," I groan, " Its fucking frustrating! Who the hell does he think he is? Seriously?"

" Its Nick, Jade. Come on, now, we know what he's capable of. We saw it, first hand. You more than me. But I saw enough to see that he just doesn't care. He will do anything to get what he wants," she says, " And unfortunately, your what he wants."

" Fuck my life," I mutter laying my head on the table, Ana's sympathetic chuckle surrounding me.

* * *

Edward took it surprisingly well when I told him about Nick's little surprise. Of course the flash of heat that passed through his eyes had me worried, but he quickly shook it off, and in a way only Edward and Ana have placated me and helped me set it aside.

I stand in the kitchen, dressed and smiling, my hands covered in flour as Alice and Esme chatter to each other, Ana and I standing side by side rolling dough for the many pies for Christmas dinner.

And for now, I find happiness in the routine. Find peace in getting lost in the voices and sounds. The tradition that settles around. For now.


	7. Chapter 6: Doesn't Get Much Better

**Author's Note: Hello everyone! So I got zero feedback on here from the last chapter, but that's okay! Because this chapter is for my Bestie :D You know who you are :) My muse and my inspiration! I love you bestie! Love you so much! Hope you and anyone else who reads this enjoys. Read/Enjoy/Review!**

**Chapter 6: Doesn't Get Much Better Than This**

_" Other things may change us, but we start and end with family."-Anthony Brandt._

* * *

The Cullen house is filled with cheerful voices and warmth that comes from more than the fire that roars in the fireplace just downstairs. It comes from within. The innate love of the Cullen family that seems to unquestioningly envelope everyone, and everything in its way, whether you want it to or not.

I smile as I watch Ana fuss over Lily, cooing as she smooth's the mountain of fluffy lace on the white and red dress she insisted her daughter wear for Christmas. Regardless of the fact that Lily is just eight months old, and wont recall that she got to wear the pretty dress doesn't seem to bother Ana much, and I have to admit, much to my dismay, that the dress is absolutely adorable.

" Which bow?" Ana asks, her eyes scanning the four that she's set out on the bed beside Lily who cheerfully kicks her legs and waves long fingered hands in the air a smile on her lips, gurgling and babbling in a dialect of babynese that I have yet to fully understand.

" Does it matter?" I ask lazily as I turn to look in the mirror, smoothing hands over my pin straight long hair, smudging my eyeliner, trying to stifle the laugh that threatens to bubble out of my lips when Ana lets out a huff, her head snapping around to stare at me even as she places a hand on Lily's tummy making sure she doesn't squirm herself off the bed.

" Of course it matters," she insists, " Its like a Christmas gift."

" Your daughters hair accessory is like a Christmas gift?" I laugh turning to look at her bracing my hands against the dresser.

" Ugh, will you just listen. Its like a Christmas gift. You have the pretty wrapping paper, in this case the dress, but what really sets it off and makes everyone go_ 'Ooo, ahhhh'_ is the pretty shiny bow on top," she says and I have to admit, possibly because I'm getting all mushy and swept up in the season I can understand her comparison, and in fact find heart warming and adorable.

" The red and green," I say, pointing the cheerful green bow with red polka dots, " The dress has a lot of red, but no green. Its perfect."

" Your right," she says smiling when she gathers Lily up, sliding the bow headband gently on her head, " You have a genius for an Aunt, Little Bit."

" Damn right she does," I nod enthusiastically, and still beaming I turn when there is a soft knock on the door.

I catch my breath, riding the jolt that rides through my system when I find Edward leaning against the door jam, his hands buried in the pockets of his khaki colored pants. The dark green sweater, with the sleeves pushed up to his elbows exposing milky skin. I've seen him like this so many times. More times than I can count. But he always seems to catch me by surprise. The simple, almost lazy sexy, which is alluring, yet infuriating all in one.

" You ladies ready yet, or do you need another hour?" Edward asks lightly, his voice full of humor even as he reaches over and runs his finger down Lily's cheek before leaning down and kissing her halo of blonde hair.

" We're ready," Ana says, blushing lightly, " Actually Jade's been ready for a good hour, but I held her hostage. Couldn't decide on Little Bit's outfit, or bow."

" Looks to me you spent too much time focusing on her outfit, and none on yourself," Edward says and I laugh, when Ana looks down and realizes that she's still wearing the same jeans and sweater she came up here in.

" Crap," she groans, and I just smile easily taking Lily from her arms.

" Change, get ready, pamper yourself a little Ana. I'll take Lily, and Edward will be sure to do everything humanly possible to keep Emmett from tearing into the food without you. We should be able to give you forty-five minutes."

" Thanks," she laughs, pressing a kiss to her daughters head, much like Edward had, before we leave the room, Edward grumbling about how in the hell he's supposed to keep Emmett from the food for another second, let alone forty five long minutes.

* * *

Forty-Six minutes later Emmett is pacing the living room like a caged cat, long legs eating up the carpet as he strides.

" What could possibly be taking her so damn long," Emmett grumbles, his eyes never leaving the clock.

" Geeze Emmett, relax, you act like you haven't eaten in a year," Jasper snaps lightly, adjusting Lily onto his shoulder.

" Give him a break Jazz, we know how Emmett gets when he's hungry," Rosalie says crossing to Emmett, grabbing his hand and dragging him to sit next to her on the couch.

The room falls into easy chatter, and I sit back, Edward's hand running down the back of my head and I sigh happily. I cant complain. Much. Aside from the blemish that Nick's not so pleasant surprise left on me, this trip was just exactly what everyone needed.

" I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I couldn't find my dress, took me forever to find it under all of Lily's clothes," Ana says and Emmett's answering and bellowing 'Hallelujah,' has everyone falling into fits of laughter.

" You look beautiful baby," Jasper says, getting up from the chair and crossing the room to her, pressing a kiss to her waiting lips, " I have the most beautiful girls in the world."

" Okay enough with the lovey dovey crap, we better sit down to dinner before Emmett eats the table or something," I say and with laughter echoing around me we sit down to eat.

* * *

" I am so full," I groan making my way to the living room, Edward's arm wrapped lightly around my waist.

" So am I," Emmett says, " When's dessert?"

" Ugh, you cant be serious," Ana says a look of sickness crossing her face as she sits next to Jasper.

" Oh but I am. I have it on good authority that you Ana-Banana, made a pecan pie. And I love pecan pie," he says, sprawling long legs out in front of him, his hands resting on his unbelievably flat stomach.

" You love food period," Rosalie points out as she hands me a glass of wine and I clink my glass to hers.

" I'll toast to that," I say smiling as I take a sip.

" Okay, okay, enough with all the talk of food," Esme says, running a hand lovingly over Emmett's hair, " Its present time."

" Yes!" Emmett says scrambling towards the Christmas tree, " I get to play Santa."

" No way, you played Santa last year, its my turn," Alice says unwrapping herself from Elijah as she bounces across the room.

" Mom, tell her I get to do it."

" Dad, tell him I get to do it."

" Mom."

" Dad."

" Mom."

" DADDY!" Alice bellows loudly everyone laughing hysterically when she jumps on Emmett's back pounding small fists lightly on her brother's shoulders.

" Neither of you get to play Santa," Carlisle says mildly.

" But, but I got here first," Emmett pouts and I try to stifle the laughter, but I cant help it.

There is just something, heart warming, about watching Emmett and Alice fighting over who gets to play 'Santa' with all the heat and passion that is sibling rivalry.

" No. Edward gets to play Santa. He's the smart one. He keeps his mouth shut," Carlisle says, and beaming from head to toe Edward presses a kiss to my forehead and crosses to his two suddenly sad siblings.

" Told you I'd get to play Santa."

* * *

Two hours later, with the living room floor covered in wrapping paper, ribbon, and bows everyone just simply glows. Gifts were opened and cooed over, especially Lily's. The eight month olds mountain of gifts could easily rival Everest, and I smile when Ana runs her hand lovingly over the dress she had wanted to buy Lily so bad just a month before. The same dress that I had insisted she didn't buy, the same dress that drove me to drag Ana from the store all but kicking and screaming. The dress that I had gone back and bought myself for the sleeping princess that seems to be the center of everyone's universe.

" There's a few more gifts," Jasper says, and I look at him perplexed, putting down the antique copy of Alice's Adventure In Wonderland that Ana had bought me. I watch silently when he crosses the room, reaching through the Christmas tree pulling a small box that had been buried somewhere in the limbs.

" This is for you," he says, handing the box wrapped cheerfully in shining pink wrapping paper to Ana.

" Jazz, I thought we said we weren't doing gifts for each other," Ana murmurs, looking at Jasper seriously.

" That didn't stop you from getting me the watch I had been eyeing for months did it?" he asks, and she smiles shyly, ducking her head, " Now open it."

" Yeah Ana open it," I urge her leaning forward to watch her. She smiles, slowly ripping the shining paper from the box. She hands the paper to Jasper, staring at the crimson colored ring box that sits in her palm.

" Jazz," she whispers shaking her head as she opens it, and whatever lays inside brings tears free falling from her big green eyes as she cries openly and unashamed in front of all of us who watch.

" Well what is it?" I ask walking over, kneeling in front of her to look for myself when I realize that she's too over come by the emotions working through her.

My own breath catches in my throat as I stare at the ring. The white silver ring shaped like a mother holding her baby, a heart made of diamonds shining in the center. And despite myself I feel the sting of tears pricking at my eyes.

" Wow, you did good Jasper. You did real good," I say hugging him lightly before turning back to Ana who fights to compose herself.

" I am such a baby," she chokes out gratefully accepting the tissue Esme presses into her hand before dabbing at her own eyes.

" Oh no you aren't sweetie," Veronica assures her from across the room, a smile on her lips, " When I had Jasper and Rosalie, Matthew gave me this beautiful pendant necklace, simple really with the word 'Mom' on it, and I bawled for a good two hours."

" Well since Jasper's surprise went off so well, suppose mine will be even better," Emmett says and Rosalie rolls her eyes, shaking her blonde hair as she smiles at Ana.

" Must you always be so competitive Em," Rosalie asks, and as the laughter starts to spread through the room its quickly quieted by the sudden serious look on Emmett's face.

" Rosalie," Emmett says getting her attention and I know my jaw has dropped open when I see Emmett on one knee. I never pegged Emmett for the 'romantic' type. But I have to admit that this is romantic. Surrounded by family and friends, Christmas lights dancing around the room, hushed murmurs, wrapping paper littering the floor he kneels, hands shaking slightly around the ring box in his hand.

" Emmett, what," she chokes out, her voice barely a whisper as tears start spilling down her cheeks.

" I have loved you most of my life Rosalie Hale, and damn it, I want to keep it that way forever. Marry me," he says, and she laughs wiping her hands over her cheeks.

" Yes, yes, of course," she says and the room erupts in cheers as Emmett slides the ring on her finger and swoops Rosalie up into a tight hug, swinging her around.

" Have to admit, he did out do me with that one," Jasper says chuckling as he hugs Emmett before turning to his sister, hugging her fiercely.

" Yeah, that was pretty good, but I can do even better," Alice says, smiling brightly even as tears fall steadily from her dancing eyes.

" That's not possible," Emmett says smiling cockily, " Face it little sister, I win."

" I'm pregnant."

* * *

Later, when the house is silent, everyone tucked away in their rooms the house still buzzes with the excitement of the night. An engagement. A new baby. My head is still swimming. I finger the intricately knotted platinum ring that wraps around my wrist, Edward's 'surprise,' that in retrospect, paled in comparison to the others, was still pretty amazing on my list.

I smile, staring out of the wide window of the living room, the fire that's been reduced to nothing more than glowing embers still casts shadows as the snow falls just outside, big puffy flakes falling silently.

" Hey," Ana's voice calls from behind me, and I turn smiling when she makes her way towards where I sit curled on the couch, my hands cupped around a steaming mug of tea, " Couldn't sleep?"

" Not if I tried. I thought Jasper's surprise was huge, but wow. An engagement, and a baby. Never saw that coming," I say patting the seat next to me. She chuckles lightly, curling up herself, pulling her knee's into Jasper's Washington State sweater, resting her head against her upraised knee's.

" It's amazing. You know I was thinking," she says and I look over at her trying to gauge her mood, noticing the sudden seriousness in her voice, " We're doing okay aren't we Jade? I mean, look at us? Your in a stable relationship, with a really good guy. A really great guy actually, and aside from Nick trying to worm his way in the middle, you two have seemed to find some middle ground. I'm happier than I ever thought I would be, with my own little family, a little family I hadn't even thought I wanted. Em and Rosalie are getting married. Alice and Elijah are going to have a baby. It doesn't get much better than this does it?"

" No, I don't think it does," I agree lifting my mug in a toast, " I don't think it does."


	8. Chapter 7: Darkest Night

**Author's Note: Hey everyone. So a *WARNING* ahead of time...this is a pretty dark chapter and may contain content that makes some people uncomfortale but I promise it gets better. It really does. I promise! As always, thank you MUSE! Read/Enjoy/Review!**

**Chapter 7: Darkest Night**

" _Everyone's should be afraid of the dark. If simply for no other reason than the inherent lack of light."-Anonymous._

* * *

With the glow of Christmas still bathing all of us in its gloriousness we troop one by one into the house, bags dropping, Alice and Emmett racing each other to the closest bathroom. All is good.

" Well, well look whose home," Nick's voice calls from the living room and I groan turning towards Ana, dropping my head on her shoulder. I spoke too soon.

" And here I was hoping he would have dropped off the face of the earth while we were away," I mutter, and speaking volumes to her self-control Ana barely snickers as she pats my arm sympathetically.

I lift my head noticing the way everyone stares at me, almost as if they are waiting for me to go off, and it doesn't come to much surprise to me. I have been known to lose my temper a time or two. Instead, under my families watchful gaze I stoop down to my bag, zipping it open my hand fishing through it until finally my fingers brush against the cold ring box that had stayed buried and hidden the majority of our trip.

I get to my feet walking into the living room, noting the clutter. Proof that Nick had spent the entirety of his time here making messes and not bothering to clean up after himself. I stare at him, noting the way the light gleams in his eyes. The impossibly blue eyes that I once got so easily lost in. His usually short spiky blonde hair is longer, almost shaggy.

" You get my present?" he asks sitting forward in his seat, long fingers linking together and I just continue to stare at him. I suppose now that the veil of fury has been somewhat lifted I can finally look at him and see that as much as he's the same Nick I knew for so long, he has completely changed.

The chunk he carried with him through the majority of our relationship has somewhat disappeared, replaced instead by tight muscles, and his face has thinned making his dimples even more prominent in his baby face.

" I did. But I don't want it," I say finally pulling myself from staring at him.

" Its yours. Always has been Jade," he says and for a moment, the way he says my name whispers something awake inside of me reminding me of what I had fallen in love with all those years ago. I quickly clamp down on it and shut it out. A door I refuse to allow be opened again.

" It was never mine. You made sure of that. And I'm telling you right now Nick, whatever games, or plans you have cooked up in your head will stop. I don't want you. I don't want to be with you. I don't even want to fucking look at you. But seeing as how you live here, and unfortunately signed a formal agreement, I will have to deal with seeing you. So here's the deal. You stay out of my way, I stay out of yours. You respect me, my friends, my boyfriend, my family, and I will respect you. But I promise you, you cross any of those boundaries and I will not think twice to lay your ass out," I say calmly throwing the ring box at him, satisfied by the look on his face when I turn out of the room.

" Oh and Nicky," I hear Ana say as I walk down the hall towards me and Edwards room, " If Jade doesn't lay your ass out, I will. That's a promise." I smile knowing, despite Ana's usual smooth and non-confrontational demeanor she meant every single word.

* * *

The few days before the New Years Eve party seemed to just melt together, passing quickly in a flurry of planning and errands. Both things I have gotten incredibly used to living with someone like Rosalie Hale. She's almost like a dictator, the way she delegates jobs to everyone, watching over the progress of everything, making sure everything comes off without a hitch. Which shouldn't surprise me, after all she is a business major with a concentration in party planning.

" Hey Ana," I say into my Bluetooth as I turn easily into the parking lot of Target, foot hovering over the break as my car crunches over the icy parking lot.

" Jade, oh thank God I got you on the phone. I hate to ask this but I was out running my part of the errands for this God forsaken party that Rose is planning and I have a flat tire. And before you ask me and Lily are fine, I'm pissed as hell. Seems someone thought it would be funny to puncture tiny holes in my tire. Assholes. Anyways, Emmett's on his way to change the tire for me, but I don't want Lily out in the cold for very long. Anyway you can swing by and get her. Veronica and Matthew are supposed to pick her up from the house anyways," Ana's rushed voice says and I grin despite my best friends predicament.

" Of course. Where are you?" I ask slowly turning a u-turn.

" Literally right down the street from U Village. I slid safely into the parking lot of the Chevron," she says and I laugh rolling my eyes.

" Okay, be there soon, no worries. Bye."

An hour later with Lily safely tucked and sleeping in her car seat I pull into the drive way, noting that Veronica and Matthew are all ready here, probably impatiently waiting for their granddaughter, and as if some sort of radar clicks on in Lily she stirs, gurgling as I lift the car seat out of the car.

" Hey Little Bit, your awake, such a pretty girl. Nana and Papa are here, yeah they make you smile don't they?" I ask talking to her as I walk slowly, carefully, watching my step as I go, avoiding as much ice as I can, " Yeah they make you smile. They are so excited that they get to have you for two whole days, we sure are going to miss you though sweet girl."

The front door opens for me a smiling Veronica standing just inside the doorway.

" There's my girl," Veronica says smiling happily accepting the carrier from me, and I shake the snow from my hair grinning at everyone.

" She just woke up," I say, handing the diaper bag to Matthew, " Ana says everything is in there. And she just ate so she should be okay for a while. And not that I'm rushing you two out of here, but if you should probably leave soon. The snows starting to come down quicker out there."

" She's right Matthew, we should get this pretty girl home. We have such fun things planned for the next two day," Veronica all but bubbles, " You kids be sure to have fun. And be safe. You all have designated drivers assigned right? Don't want anyone getting hurt."

" Yes Mom, we have designated drivers set up, not just for us, but for the rest of the guests. I made a few phone calls, have some taxi's that will be parked and waiting outside of the party at exactly twelve-thirty. Go. Enjoy your time with your granddaughter. Love you both," Rosalie says pressing a kiss to Lily's head before hugging her parents good bye.

" You seriously have a taxi service on call for the party?" I ask Rosalie as we stand in the steadily falling snow waving her parents and Lily off.

" Yes," she answers easily, turning to grin at me.

" I don't know how you do it Rose. But you're a genius."

* * *

Night falls, thick and dark, and finally much to everyone's delight with no snow fall. However, Rosalie's insistence that the New Years party is not only themed, but costume required has Alice, Ana, and myself cursing her as stare through the windows of the limo that she had arranged for our transportation to the King and Occidental warehouse that the party is to be held in.

" How does she expect me to walk through all of that snow without breaking my neck?" Ana asks from beside me, clutching her masquerade mask to her chest.

" I have no idea," I say sympathetically at my friends paling face.

" Wait, look, she had a path shoveled. She does think of everything," Alice says all but bouncing out of her seat from across us.

" Thank God," Ana breathes a sigh of relief and I laugh.

" Well at least we know you wont be rushed to the hospital due to a snow accident," I say as the door is opened and the limo driver offers a hand helping me out.

" No. I will be rushed to the hospital due to lack of oxygen," she groans stepping out behind me, " Seriously. I understand Rosalie has this undying need for things to be as authentic as they can be, but a corset? How women lived back then I will never understand."

" I can fix that," Alice says and I watch as she circles her finger to Ana telling her to turn around. She works quickly and when Ana drags in a deep breath and smiles I know that comfort has been restored, " You just tie it a little loose. Still not a hundred percent comfortable, but a bit better."

" Thank you," she says turning in her pretty silver ball gown. Rosalie sure does have an eye for these sort of things. Ana's sparkling silver gown shines and twinkles under the lights as we walk arm in arm. Alice's teal and black dress fits her like a glove making her pale skin almost glow. And well, my crimson and black gown is so perfect I couldn't have picked a better one for myself. I watch as Alice lifts her mask quickly tying it into place, and I do the same. " Shit, I forgot my mask in the limo. You guys go ahead. I'll be right behind you."

" You sure?" I ask looking at Ana a slight uneasiness growing in my stomach.

" Yeah. I will be right in I promise. Tell Jasper for me will you?" she says, lifting the puffy skirt of her ball gown walking carefully in her high heal, lights bouncing off the rhinestones.

" You heard the girl Jade. Besides, our men await," Alice says linking her arm with mine and I smile butterflies suddenly erupting in my stomach at the thought of seeing Edward. Rosalie had been so adamant about all of us girls not seeing the guys and vice versa until entering the party, so naturally curiosity has been eating away at me for most of the day.

* * *

Entering the ball I feel as if I have walked through a veil of time and space and stand in the middle of renaissance Italy. And for a moment pure joy and wonderment wash over me, a grin spreading on my face. Everything seems so authentic, save for the music which pumps loudly.

" She is amazing," Alice whispers from beside me and I nod my head my eyes scanning the large warehouse, lit by hundreds of twinkling lights and candles which bounce off crystal and gold. I smile when I see Elijah walking towards us, and the only reason I know its him is because the teal of his outfit matches perfectly with Alice's. They cross to each other silently, Elijah opening his arms and Alice filling them.

" They make a picture don't they?" a silky voice asks from behind me and I whirl around a hand pressing against my jumping heart and I smile when Edward bows deeply taking my hand in his candle light bouncing off his mask.

" They do, and so do you," I say laughing when he pulls me close, hugging me tightly to his chest.

" Dance with me," he says and before I can argue he spins me onto the dance floor and I lose myself in the beauty that is Edward.

* * *

_**Ana's POV**_

I walk steadily, silently berating my forgetful nature as I make the block and a half trek back to the parking area and looking up I groan loudly when I realize that there is now a line of limousines, and any hopes of making a quick retrieval of my mask nearly impossible.

" There you are," I say to myself, laughing at myself when I find my mask in the sixth limo down the line. I shut the door, jumping when the noise reverberates around me and I look around, my breath puffing out in clouds, proof of the cold weather. I shiver, more from the sudden fear of being alone than because of the cold.

I take a few steps forward and nearly jump out of my skin when a sudden crash in the alley sounds loudly to my left and I ignore it quickening my steps until stopping when I hear the whimpering. Everything inside of me tells me not to go looking in a dark alley by myself, but I cant seem to help myself. My feet crunch over icy snow as I draw closer to the darkness of the alley.

" Hello," I call out softly, my voice echoing off the brick walls.

" Back here," A soft voice calls out, " I think I hurt my ankle."

The pitiful and nervous voice pulls at my heart as I descend into the darkness to offer any assistance that I can. I mean I cant just leave someone hurt. I just cant.

* * *

**Jade's POV**

An hour later Edward guides me to a table and I sit, gratefully kicking my shoes off under the table. And as _'un-lady'_ like as the action may seem, dancing in heels can only work for so long. I gratefully take the flute of champagne Edward offers me grinning when he kisses me before sitting next to me, his hand automatically finding mine, lacing our fingers together.

" Having fun?" Edward murmurs in my ear and I smile nodding my head. I listen as he makes small talk and smile when Jasper approaches the table.

" Hey have you guys seen Ana?" Jasper asks and I sit up looking at him.

" No. She hasn't found you yet?" I ask, and he shakes his head looking around.

" I ran into Alice a little bit ago and she said she had forgotten her mask in the limo, that she'd be right in. I haven't seen her yet," he says and I clamp down on the initial fear that coils sickly in my stomach.

" She's probably somewhere showing off the pictures of Lily she smuggled in her corset," I joke lightly, " Tell you what why don't you and Edward start looking. And I'll look too. If I run into Ali, Em or Rose I will tell them to keep an eye out. Meet back here in thirty?"

" Yeah, yeah, okay," Jasper mumbles, " Jade."

I turn to see him clutching his mask in front of him, his knuckles white.

" She's okay right?" he asks and I nod my head offering a warm smile.

" Of course. Like I said she's probably showing off your beautiful daughter," I say turning to walk through the throngs of people as I repeat the words to myself.

* * *

" Hey, Jade. Wow, your beautiful," Emmett says and I smile lightly, my eyes scanning around me, " What's wrong."

" Its nothing. Well I don't think its anything. We cant find Ana," I say when he leans down towards.

" What do you mean you cant find Ana? Where is she?" He asks, and I shrug my shoulders trying to shove away the fear that seems so insistent on curling in the pit of my stomach.

" She forgot her mask in the limo and didn't realize it until we were walking in from the parking area. I offered to go with her, but she insisted Alice and I come in, she wouldn't be long. Jasper found me and Edward asking if we've seen her. That was nearly thirty minutes ago and we had all ready been in here for an hour," I say, noting the way he quickly pulls the royal blue mask from his face eyes flashing hot with worry as he searches the room.

" I'll round up Rose, Ali, and Elijah. You get Jazz and Edward," he says, " We'll find her." I nod my head pushing back through the crowd.

I find Jasper and Edward together at the table and shake my head when Jasper's eyes search mine for an answer.

" I ran into Em. He said he's going to get Rose, Alice, and Elijah and we will all go look for her together," I say, taking the coat Edward offers me slipping it on.

" Something's wrong," Jasper murmurs, " I feel it. Ana just doesn't disappear."

" Jasper, if something were seriously wrong we'd know it. Alice would know it," I say brushing an arm sympathetically over his shoulder.

" She hasn't been seeing things clearly anymore remember? The baby?" Jasper says and his increasing panic worries me, " Remember when she swore she saw that we were going to be hit with a freak heat wave, and instead we were hit with freak blizzard. Or how she had seen Emmett having a terrible accident and made him swear not to drive when his 'terrible accident' was him stubbing his toe?"

" Okay, so she's a little off her game but come on Jazz, if she saw anything to do with Ana don't you think she would have given everyone some heads up?" I ask, and before he can answer Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, and Elijah arrive at the table.

" Emmett filled us in," Rosalie says, " We shouldn't panic. Ana is going to be fine. We'll probably find her in the limo driving our parents crazy with demands to talk on the phone with Lily."

* * *

We troop together, the seven of us through slightly heavy snow fall, eerily silent as we walk, nothing but the sound of our footsteps echoing around us. We turn the corner and find a line of limos. Silently and without debate each of us break off walking to separate limos.

" She isn't here," Jasper calls out, and I press a hand to my stomach turning to look around, and that's when I see it. The foot prints in the snow, faint but visible. I walk closer, noticing that the steps lead to a darkened alley. She wouldn't. There's no way my best friend, my best friend who is still afraid of the dark would walk into a dark alley, by herself.

" Ana," I call out my voice echoing out, and I listen.

" Ana," Jasper calls from beside me, and still there is no answer. Just the echo of his voice, and just as I turn to head towards the rest of the waiting group I hear the whimper. Its so soft, but I know even as the fear I had managed to keep at bay ripples fiercely through me I know its Ana.

I rush in after Jasper, blindly searching the darkness, and at the end of alley where a small light shines lays Ana. I rush to her dropping to my knee's and watch with eyes wide with shock Jasper rolls her carefully.

" Son of a bitch," I whisper taking in her appearance. Her lips are nearly blue, bruises dry blood and bruises dancing over paled skin.

" Call 911, somebody call 911," Jasper shouts as I shrug off the jacket Edward gave me and lay it over my best friend, and I cant help myself as the tears roll down my cheeks, freezing on my lips.

* * *

An hour and a half later with the television in the emergency room buzzing in the background I stare at my black and orange converse all stars, grateful Rose and Em had gone to the house and brought everyone a change of clothes.

An hour and a half waiting. Waiting to find out if Ana is going to be okay. To find out clearly what happened. The automatic doors swing open and I lift my head instantly getting to my feet when Jasper walks through, his face pale his hands shaking.

" Jasper," I say and he just shakes his head throwing his hands up.

" The police are back their questioning her. She doesn't want me in the room. They did, they did a," his voice trails off and I feel my heart plummet in my stomach, " She's asking for you."

" Okay, okay," I say and on numb legs I walk through the doors.

" Jade," Ana calls out fresh tears pouring down her face as I step into the room.

" Miss, you cant be in here," an officer says stepping in front of me blocking my bath.

" Stop, she has to be in here. She's my sister. I want my sister," Ana cries, and the officer steps aside and I rush to her side taking her hand in mine, " Jade please. Tell them to go away. I wasn't. He didn't. I didn't let it get that far. I swear it didnt get that far. They did the tests, the tests will prove it. He wasnt even really trying for that. I dont think he was. But he didnt. I tried telling them. Everything got ripped because I was fighting back. Please Jade, make them go away. "

I piece together what she's saying without the details in between and I shoot a steely glance at the two uniformed men in the room.

" You heard her, she said it didn't happen. It didn't happen," I say protectively, closing my hand over Ana's.

" That's what she says but often times victims of sexual assault are ashamed," one officer says and I grit my teeth reminding myself silently that he's an officer, so laying him out on his ass is severely frowned upon and would get my ass landed in jail.

" If she says it didn't happen, it did not happen. Besides, if she is just _'ashamed,_' you'll have your answer when her kit comes back, so please. She's been through enough," I say pleading with my voice and eyes for them to go away.

" Mrs. Hale, if you remember anything, anything at all you call me, okay?" the other officer, the younger of the two says gently as he puts his card on the counter. I watch them as they walk out of the room, closing the door behind them.

" Oh God, Ana, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have let you go by yourself," I say dropping my head to her hand, my shoulders shaking.

" Its my fault. I shouldn't have. But they said they needed help. Said they hurt themselves, I couldn't leave them, I couldn't leave them. I fought Jade. I fought like hell," she cries and I cry with her, knowing that she did fight like hell. Her bruises are proof of that.


	9. Chapter 8: Back To Us

**Author's Note: Well here is Chapter 8! Hope everyone enjoys! *Warning* Another dark chapter! As Always, Read/Enjoy/Review!**

**Chapter 8: Back To Us**

" _And through the darkness she will claw, for into light she wishes to fall."-Anonymous._

* * *

I slip out of Ana's hospital room, sliding the door closed behind me. I take a few steps before steadying myself against the wall, sliding down, pulling my knee's to my chest. My entire body shakes, as the sickness settles in the pit of my stomach, as I realize that Ana will have to know. She'll have to be told.

That the kit came back.

Positive.

I drop my head into my hands, letting my hair curtain my face and the hot tears of sympathy, and rage race down my face hotly. And I feel like I cant breathe. I take short, staggering breathes, but instead of relief my head grows light.

" Jade," A small voice say, " Jade, what happened?" I look up, staring into Edward's eye, and wordlessly I open my mind for him, still to sick to speak the words out loud. His eyes grow wide and blaze hot before blanking out and he falls back, his own chest heaving.

" Their sure?" He asks and I nod my head unable to contain the sobs that rip from me.

" They, they haven't told her," I say, my voice wobbly as I try to contain myself, " Their best guess is that it happened when she was unconscious. Or that she just blocked it out, too afraid to remember it happened. But I know Ana. When she said it didn't happen I believed her. Because she believes it. Oh God, I think I'm going to be sick."

I scramble to my feet Edward right behind me as I throw up in the closes trash bin, his hands holding my hair as my system empties itself.

* * *

" Jade, Edward," Jasper says and I look at Edward, my eyes pleading with him, and I turn slowly. I try to contain my feelings. Try to not let it get to Jasper. But I know it doesn't work that way. What he didn't feel, he would see written all over our faces. " No. No. No. She said. She said it didn't. That he didn't. No!"

He yells. I have never heard Jasper yell like this. Ever. He slams his hands against the wall, fists pounding and blood smears across the pristine white of the hospital walls.

" Jazz, Jasper, stop it," Edward yells at him, grabbing him from behind, wrapping his arms tightly around him, but Jasper fights hard freeing himself only after throwing an elbow back catching Edward completely off guard, sending him stumbling.

" What the hell is going on," Emmett asks running towards us, Rosalie, Alice, and Elijah not far behind him.

" Ana, was, she was," Jasper gasps out his voice choked by the rage that bubbles and rolls off of him.

" Oh my God," Alice whispers, pressing petite hands to her mouth turning her face into Elijah's side, slim shoulders shaking violently as she weeps.

" Emmett, you need to get him out of here," I say, putting my hand on his arm, and I look up at him, honestly terrified by his silence. By the way his eyes which are usually so alive with life and joy have gone completely blank, like he's dead, " Emmett please, you're the only one who can control him."

I watch as Emmett easily gets a hold of Jasper, holding him from behind much like Edward had, only he whispers something in his ear and just like that the fight goes out of him. Rosalie casts a tearful look over her shoulder, mouthing _' I'm sorry,' _as she follows her fiancé and brother out of the emergency department.

* * *

I sit in the corner of the hospital room, a blanket covering me as I watch Ana sleep. Her pale skin covered in dancing bruises and I clamp down on the anger that surges through me. She'll be awake soon. And thrust into a whole new nightmare. A nightmare none of us know how to handle.

My phone buzzes on my lap, and I look down, smiling slightly when I see that its Edward.

' _Coming to bring you some breakfast. Jasper will be in to relieve us at ten. Is Ana awake yet?' _

I shift my eyes up knowing all ready that Ana is still very much asleep and unaware thanks to the I.v of pain medication pumping into her.

' _No, still sleeping. Is it bad that I'm thankful for that?'_

' _No. I think we would all sleep through this if we could. Be there soon. Love you.' _

' _Love you too.' _

* * *

I settle back in my chair, pulling the blanket over my shoulders and wait. Seems like waiting is all any of us can do anymore.

" Jade, baby," a soft whispering voice stirs me from my sleep and I blink my eyes open finding Edward bent over me, takeout boxes in his hands as he smiles softly at me.

" Hey," I murmur sitting up to stretch.

" Hey yourself," he says pressing a soft kiss to my forehead before quietly pulling a chair to sit next to me. We eat in silence, the only sound coming from the monitors on Ana.

" You think she's going to be okay?" I ask, breaking the silence as I set my food aside, staring at my best friend.

" I don't know. I wish I knew the answers. I do. But Ana's fragile," he says and I roll my eyes shaking my head.

" She is. But she's also one of the strongest people that I know," I say gripping the chair under my hands.

" Yeah. But, even I," his voice trails off when Ana's monitors start going out of control, her heart rate escalating quickly, and I scramble off my chair.

" Ana, Ana," I call as I watch her thrash around, trying to calm her, " Ana, Ana sweetie its okay. Its okay. It's a dream, its just a dream." I hold her, feeling as the remnants of the nightmare roll off of her, and eyes tired and swollen roll open.

" Jade," she croaks out, and I nod my head staring down at her, " Wha' happ'nd?"

Her words come out slightly slurred due to the drugs in her system and the swelling of her lips from the damage done in the dark alley.

" You don't remember anything?" I ask, growing worried.

" Alley…dark….pain…" she starts crying, and I look at Edward eyes growing wide with panic, " He…he….oh God. I thought. I fought. He did didn't he?"

Her voice grows clearer as the panic washes over her face.

" Ana, I'm sorry. I am so sorry," I say holding her as she weeps, and Edward steps in closer his hand hovering over her shoulder and I watch in stunned shock when she cowers away from him, screaming.

" Don't, don't touch me. Just don't touch me!"

" Edward, you should go," I say, gathering her close as she cries, hot tears soaking through my shirt.

" But," he says and I just shake my head and watch as he backs out of the room, away from the sound of Ana's shattered heart and security.

I walk the halls slowly, my footsteps echoing lightly around me as I try to process. Process everything that's happened. Ana's assault changes everything. Its changed her. First her fear of Edward.

She screamed for Emmett to not even step into the room. I close my eyes, the look on his face over the pretty bouquet of flowers flashing through my head.

And she wont even speak to Jasper. Cant bring herself to look at him. I clap a hand over my mouth, stifling the sob that threatens to be pulled out of me as I duck into the bathroom and I slide down against the door trying to make sense of it all.

* * *

_**Ana's POV**_

I had hoped, and prayed it had all been some sort of bad dream. A nightmare so unspeakable that I would wake up from and thank God that it wasn't true.

Only it is.

And there is nobody to blame but myself. If I hadn't gone into the stupid alley. If I had just let Jade come with me. But no, if I had made her come with me she would have followed me into the alley, and God, I cant, wont imagine what would have come of that.

" Ana," Jasper's pained voice comes from behind me and I stiffen, afraid to look over my shoulder, to see the look of disgust on his face, " Baby, please."

" Go. Away. Please," I cry, turning my face into the pillow waiting and when I hear the door slide closed I sink into the emptiness.

* * *

**Jasper's POV**

Hollow. Everything is just so hollow. Ana that most. Her eyes. Her voice. She isn't my Ana. She's the empty shell of the girl I love. And the rage that fills me startles me. I bunch my fists as I walk trying to absorb everything.

" Jazz," Emmett calls my name and my head snaps up as he walks towards me, his hands shoved in his pockets, " How's she doing?"

" Terrible. We're all doing terrible. I don't think she's ever going to come back from this Em," I admit as we walk together.

" She has to. I mean she's Ana. Our Ana. She has to come back," he says his voice carefully hopeful.

" I don't think she will. She wont let me near her. She wont let me help. I could take this away from her, and she wont let me. How the fuck does this happen?" I ask stepping into the frigid January air.

" I don't know, I really don't know," he says and silence falls.

* * *

**Edward's POV**

I sit in the chapel, hands clasped together, head bowed as I try to make everything make sense.

The tears fall.

And I sit unashamed of them.

Everything's different now.

Jade. Jasper. Ana. Oh God Ana.

" How can you let that happen?" I mutter, " And to Ana. Hasn't she been through enough, and now this? You have a messed up way of working things you know that? She was innocent. Just wanted to help someone. And this is what she gets for the trouble?"

" Edward," a soft voice calls from behind me and I turn to find Alice and Elijah, both looking half dead on their feet as they come to sit next to me.

" You should be sleeping," I murmur to my baby sister, hugging her lightly, " Stress isn't good for the baby."

" I've been telling her that for hours," Elijah says, linking his hand to hers.

" I cant. I couldn't leave," she says, her read resting on my shoulder, " I've been trying to make sense of everything but I just…"

" Cant?" I add and her answering sniffle has me rubbing her arm sympathetically.

" I'm scared," she confesses and I close my eyes on her words.

" We all are."

* * *

_Rosalie's POV_

I pace the same hall way that Jasper had paced, my hands knotted behind my back as I process everything. The pain. Anger. Fear. Guilt. All of it sitting sickly in my stomach as I glance in on Ana's sleeping form every few seconds.

If I hadn't thrown the damned party.

I shake my head disgusted by the way I think of myself. As if I matter at this moment.

I walk further down the hall, hoping to find Emmett and Jasper, but stop when the distinct noise of weeping from behind the women's restroom floats up towards me.

I push open the door and under the large stall in the corner Jade's orange converse shoes are visible.

" Jade," I call out as I step closer and I push against the door finding it locked, " Jade, honey."

I give up on her unlocking the door and reserve myself to sliding under the door. I crawl to her, wrapping my arms around her and when she resists I pull harder, pulling her against me until she turns her face against my shoulder and cries.

" It, makes, no sense," Jade weeps, her hands bunching tight on the hem of my sweater, " If I could just make it make sense."

" I know honey, I know," I soothe, closing my eyes as my own tears fall down my face, " It will never make sense. And now. Now all we can do is pray, and wait. And hope that somehow Ana will find her way through the darkness. Back to us."


End file.
